Me

2009-08-11T09:52:00.001+08:00

I have moved.

http://ruqaiyah89.wordpress.com/

Please re-link me :)

2009-08-08T09:16:00.000+08:00

Okay a pregnant barbie? Seriously Mattel? They should be sued now by all mothers becase last time i checked, nature's way of popping out babies has got NOTHING to do with lifting a lid off your tummy. I mean, giving birth really isn't that easy. And is this what we really want to teach kids? That this is how babies are produced? In the first place, such toys should not even be manufactured to begin with. Because no doubt children will ask "Where do babies come from?" and this is certainly not the answer to te question by just shoving a pregnant barbie toy into their hands and letting them 'figure it out'. And Ken seriously looks disgusting.

2009-08-08T09:09:00.000+08:00

OKay seriously... this Larry person who created this, obviously did not think that there would be females surfing around the net.

2009-08-07T18:13:00.002+08:00

I AM FREEE! HAHAH!

And since I am so free, I was going round to random websites and found this one site which has pictures of amazing homes around the world! Its seriously amazing some of these homes! Here are some of my favourite:

This home, has a suspended bed! HOW COOL IS THAT! Its literally hanging on a rope!

And now comes pictures of the Universe Beach House in Mexico by Tatiana Bilbao! Its aweesomeee I mean who would ever have the idea of putting the swimming pool right on top, circular with a perfect view! I think its brilliant!

Still, the beds are my favouriteee! Hahah how cool would it be to be able to sleep on a bed suspended on a rope! I know most of you would say its similar to a swing, but honestly, its not. You'd be sleeping on it the wholeee night! awesomenessss!

“Six billion of us walking the planet, six billion smaller worlds on the bigger one. Shoe salesmen and short-order cooks who look boring from the outside - some have weirder lives than you. Six billion stories, every one an epic, full of tragedy and triumph, good and evil, despair and hope. You and me - we aren’t so special, bro.”
— Dean Koontz

2009-08-06T00:11:00.002+08:00

OMG BLOGGER IS BACCK TO ITS NORMAL SELF thank god honestly...

So its the FINAL ASSIGNMENT that's left and after that its blissss. YEA RIGHT. Thanks to my new problem, I don't think I'll be getting much of blisss anytime soon! The thoughts of it all are eating me up inside and I have nooo idea what's the outcome gonna be. Yes, I'm purposely sounding vague here cuz I don't wanna announce it to the whoolleee damn world. It's embarrassing.. AND disgusting that I'm grossed out by it as well.

Just before one problems ends another one HAS to come up and slap me in the face doesn't it. ANNOYING. Kay I should stop complaining. I've been doing a lot of it lately. Actually I do that most of the time. But without complaining its a bit difficult to get through it. Its like complaining maks it complete then I can go through it and now I am just rambling So i'm going to stop here otherwise it will go on to be a chain of absolute nonsense. Okay bye now.

Joy. Peace. Happiness.

2009-08-03T22:23:00.000+08:00

This buble-like ulcer has been in my mouth for like weeks now. And its still not going away. I JUST realized today that its about time it should go off and now I'm worrying the shit out of myself. I keep googling about ulcers and how sometimes they have to be SURGICALLY REMOVED by an ORAL SURGEON OMG OKAY THAT IS SCARY. Its a freakin ulcer why the hell won't it go away! Its not painful, its not giving me any discomfort whatsoever and THAT IS SCARY. What if its like those silent killer types and is actually quite dangerous??

WONDERFUL. Now that attachment has ended, BEFORE it could even end, another problem JUST HAD TO come and bug me. Someone out there just doesn't want me living in peace.

2009-07-31T19:52:00.000+08:00

ALL 6 Lessons COMPLETED.
Logbook HANDED IN.

Now all I'm left with is the tons and tons of evaluations to do. Heck, I'll start like tomorrow or something.

So anyway, I was bathing this morning in the bathroom, and I was like nearly done, just finished washng off the soap and shampoo. And then suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I saw this THING trying to CRAWL its way through my bathroom window. I kept seeing some fine hair-like thing jumping up and down. My face by then had a half-horror look on it already. I kept staring at the window, waiting for the CREATURE to like pop out or something, when SUDDENLY, I saw it. OMG. IT WAS THE MOST, HUGEST, FATEST, MOST DISGUSTING LOOKING COCKROACH I HAD EVER SEEN. IT WAS GROSS OKAY THE FREAKIN FEELERS WERE SOO BLOODY LONG! It FLEW into my window, kept swinging its feelers up and down! I was contemplating if I should like run out of the toilet dripping wet when THANK THE LORD suddenly IT decided to fly back out the window. And then I shut the damn windows. OMG OKAY it was grossss!

WHY do these creepy crawlies decide to come into the bathroom WHEN I AM IN IT AND BATHING! OMG. First was that gross centipede and NOW this humungous cockroach. EEEEWWW.

“Happy is he who dares courageously to defend what he loves” — Ovid

Beautiful.

2009-07-30T20:02:00.001+08:00

I got this off a friends' blog and I think its perfect for all the people out there who have NO idea what I go through everyday, NO idea what I really do, NO idea as to what is expected out of me, and NO idea how much I have to deal with. Please read it with an open mind and try to let it sink in, and understand.

THE CREATION OF THE TEACHER

The Good Lord was creating teachers. It was His sixth day of 'overtime' and He knew that this was a tremendous responsibility for teachers would touch the lives of so many impressionable young children. An angel appeared to Him and said, "You are taking a long time to figure this one out."

"Yes," said the Lord, " but have you read the specs on this order?"
TEACHER:
... must stand above all students, yet be on their level
... must be able to do 180 things not connected with the subject being taught
... must run on coffee, coke and leftovers,
... must communicate vital knowledge to all students daily and be right most of the time
... must have more time for others than for herself/himself
... must have a smile that can endure through pay cuts, problematic children, and worried parents
... must go on teaching when parents question every move and administration is not supportive
... must have 6 pair of hands

"Six pair of hands, " said the angel, "that's impossible"
"Well, " said the Lord, " it is not the hands that are the problem. It is the three pairs of eyes that are presenting the most difficulty!"

The angel looked incredulous, " Three pairs of eyes...on a standard model?"

The Lord nodded His head, " One pair can see a student for what he is and not what others have labelled him as. Another pair of eyes is in the back of the teacher's head to see what should not be seen, but what must be known. The eyes in the front are only to look at the child as he 'goofs up' in order to reflect, " I understand and I still believe in you", without so much as saying a word to the child."

"Lord, " said the angel, " this is a very large project and I think you should work on it tomorrow".

"I can't," said the Lord, " for I have come very close to creating something much like Myself. I have one that comes to work when she is sick.....teaches a class of children that do not want to learn....has a special place in her heart for children who are not her own.....understands the struggles of those who have difficulty....never takes the students for granted..."

The angel looked closely at the model the Lord was creating. "It is too soft-hearted, " said the angel.

"Yes," said the Lord, " but also tough, You can not imagine what this teacher can endure or do, if necessary"

"Can this teacher think?" asked the angel.

"Not only think," said the Lord,. "but reason and compromise."

The angel came closer to have a better look at the model and ran his finger over the teacher's cheek.

"Well, Lord, " said the angel, your job looks fine but there is a leak. I told you you were putting too much into this model. You can not imagine the stress that will be placed upon the teacher."

The Lord moved in closer and lifted the drop of moisture from the teacher's cheek. It shone and glistened in the light.

"It is not a leak," He said, "It is a tear."

"A tear? What is that?" asked the angel, "What is a tear for?"

The Lord replied with great thought, " It is for the joy and pride of seeing a child accomplish even the smallest task. It is for the loneliness of children who have a hard time to fit in and compassion for the feelings of their parents. It comes from the pain of not being able to reach some children and the disappointment those children feel in themselves. It comes often when a teacher has been with a class for a year and must say good-bye to those students and get ready to welcome a new class."

"My, " said the angel, " The tear thing is a great idea...You are a genius!!"

The Lord looked sombre, "I didn't put it there."

~
Anyway, after reading this I Googled for more such stories, and I found this short verse, a student-tacher wrote to her class as she was leaving them :(

No one remembers everyone forever.
Someday, as your lives fill with more
people and more experiences, you might
find yourselves forgetting me. You may
not remember my name. You may not remember
what I look like. You may lose all conscious
memory of my existence. What you will have,
the legacy I leave with you, is an over all
feeling, indefinable and indescribable, to be
carried with you throughout your lives.

2009-07-29T20:12:00.000+08:00

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH BLOGGER.

So anyway, today was Sports Day! And it was fun! Minus the scorching scorchng hot sun, me perspiring like a pig, running up and down, running after children, bringing them to the toilets, lining them up etc etc. Plus, a day can never be complete for them if they dun get scolded even once. Nevertheless, our cenre ended up getting the Overall Champion trophy! Hahah all the hard work of traning them for days finally paid off!

LAST lesson tomorrowwww :) I gave out Newsletters already, now just finishlast lesson and I'm DONE. Coming Monday is the last dayy! And then 7th AUgust hand in asignments and then I'll take a week off to relax and then I start working! I think it will be a good experience for me. Plus I think time will pass faster for this way. I'll stop working on the last day of Sept. Don't wanna work in October. I'm totally looking forward to October :)

I wanna watch a movie, eat an ice cream and de-hair my face and legs. CANT WAIT FOR THE WEEKEND, HONESTLY. I haven't done these things in a while. Plujs I miss seeing my favourite peopleee! My social life (not as if i had much of it) is like minus zero.

Thank you, Allah. You gave me a bumpy start to attachment, but you heard my prayers and made everything smooth later on. You guided me through every lesson, been there by my side through all three lesson supervisions and helped me achieve good enough grades for them all. I can't thank you enough!

“How did you do that?
With a smile and a glance you
rearranged my life.”
— Daily Haiku by Tyler Knott Gregson

2009-07-28T18:52:00.000+08:00

OMG Blogger is seriously screwed up. Its still annoying me.

LAST WEEK OF ATTACHMENT :D HAHAH YAYY! I'm done with almost everything attachment-related:

1. Learning Corners DONE
2. Both lesson assessments DONE
3. 5 Lessons done, left ONE MORE :)
4. Gonna give out LAST Parent Newsletter tomorrow!
5. Logbook tasks COMPLETED!

This is awesomeee! Everything is going according to plan. I hope it all stays that way. And before I know it, next monday 3rd of August shall be my last and final day of attachment!

And then comes all the assignments we have to complete and hand in by 7th. AND THEN FREEE. OMG i sound like someone who is holiday deprived. I think I am, though. I need a holiday badly.

Sadly, I'll be working this hols. NVM, looking at the bright side, I EARN $$$$! HAHAH!

kay im gonna go do something terribly unproductive now. SEE YA!

I'll do every dish ever made. I'll change as much as I can without changing who I am. Just promise me you'll stay.

2009-07-26T13:11:00.002+08:00

I'm all tangled up in other people. Their worries have become my worries. Their expectations of me have become the expectations I have for myself. Their dreams are slowly turning into my nightmares.

I am not other people.

2009-07-26T09:36:00.001+08:00

I swear Blogger is pissing the shit out of me. I can't seem to edit my fonts, change my text size add pictures or do anything else! OMG. And its been like nearly a few days already its like this.

So anyway, yesterday I went to the library to return some of the Insect books I borrowed. Since I was there already I decided to look for some books for myself as well. So suddenly I saw this whole shelf on Travel books. Immediately I started looking around for the one on GREECE :) It was amazing, really! The pictures and and description of the country was just awesome! Looking at the pictures and all, now I REALLY want to go to Greece one day!

I know you must be wondering why on earth would I choose Greece of all places. Because its the most least common among everyone's choices of countries they'd like to visit and I just like the whole country + ancient look Greece has. It has a very nice, warm feel to it.

Oh and another country book I checked out was Norway. The houses and the sceneries are just breathtaking! I mean to live in such a house would be so awesome. And since Norway is like worse than a freezer most of the year, the best time, I read, would be to go during Mid-May, which is their spring time.

Aaaahh now with all these Greece thoughts in my head I am unable to concetrate on my work, which is like mad crazy a lot because now that the practical part is almost over, I'm left with all the paper work to complete. Which I'm really not looking forward to start on.

Kay I wanna go roll around now bye.

“Life can be a constant struggle, filled with hardship and obstacles. Or it can be a grand adventure filled with challenges and intrigue. Every second of every day, it’s entirely up to you how you live it. It all ends the same way. How you feel when you get there is the only thing you have control over.”- I Wrote This For You

i miss you

2009-07-22T19:27:00.003+08:00

"Patience with others is Love, Patience with self is Hope, Patience with God is Faith."--
Adel Bestavros

I can be patient. To a certain extent. Everything has its limits. But mine reaches the limit really fast. I know that for this particular situation, if I am patient, what I would recieve would be really, extremely worth it. And I know it is worth my patience.

But WHERE. FROM WHERE do I get that will power to maintain my patience? Its like eating me up from inside already. But I also know, that no matter what, I won't give up anyway. I will still hold on. But why isn't it any easier? Its not fair. It should be easy. The fact that its worth it should make it easier enough for me to be patient.

~

Completely random post. Ignore it. Its my own personal feelings bubling up here because I don't know where else to burry them. ANYWAY, ONE MORE LESSON TO GOOO :D And then its all overr! And then I can finally breathe and relax. God. Sounds so good from now already.

So anyway, I did the play dough lesson with the children today and it was MESSY OMG OKAY MESSY LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS. I had LOTS of clean up to do was in the toilet for like FOREVER washing the play dough insruments. Bless Teacher Karen for helping me to clean up the tables and the floor. THE FLOOR. FOR THE LIFE OF ME I cannot fathom HOW the play dough can reach the FLOOR and get stuck there leaving sticky stains everywhere!

Okay so partly it might be my fault cuz the blue dough became super extremely sticky that it was impossible to play with and that caused most of the mess. But still okay. Its no excuse for it ending up the floor. THAT was so not my fault. Not even 1%. All the effort gone to waste. I THREW the damn play doughs away at the end. Useless. ALL became sticky. Annoying.

#518 Someone who realizes that the words “I miss you” mean more than the words “I love you”.
-1,001 Things I Want In A Lover

2009-07-20T20:11:00.003+08:00

Today was an awesome day. And I was in the centre the whole day. I realize right, that maybe, I would not mind trying out in this field of work. After this year 3 attachment, I realized that this might not be so bad after all. Almost 1 and a half month has gone by so fast, and before I know it I'll be leaving the centre.

The first day I entered the centre I though I was making my way into hell and during the first few days I would rush out of the centre ASAP at the end of the day and I would arrive exactly ON TIME the next day. But now, after several field trips, bonding with the children, having totally awesome and caring teachers around, it is going to be hard to leave them.

I am so used to the centre way of life now. Even though I still do not feel as passionately about early childhood as a whole, I can still say that I loved every moment spent in this centre. I have been offered a part time job with them for this holidays and I'm wondering if I should take it up. I am considering it though. Everyone has been so kind, so caring. When I fist saw that I was posted to this centre in Simei I was pissed off because it was far from my home. But now, I look forward to every morning, I dress up and I leave for the centre. Although, yes, I still complain abot having to wake up early and the fact remains about waking up altogether. Oh well :)

Thank you God, for listening to my prayers and for giving me an awesome experience in this centre. The memories will remain with me forever :D

"I want to be his favourite 'Hello' and his hardest 'Goodbye' ".

2009-07-18T22:54:00.002+08:00

Yellow world. So I'm still wondering why I haven't had any dreams on Insects yet. Its weird. Usually when I'm obsessed about something or totally into something for that period of time it definitely appears in my dreams. Instead, I've been getting dreamless nights. Like almost every night. How boring is that. I mean, even one random stupid or silly dream would be something. Sigh.

Fanyways, I have still two lessons left and I'm getting more complacent day by day ever since assessments ended. Just because the difficutl part is over my brain seems to think that its okay to start slacking. Its the brain. Totally the brain. Not me.

So I have not been out in ages. I have not watched a movie in ages. Can't remember the last movie I watched in the theatre. I have not had an ice cream in forever. I have not taken a single decent looking picture of myself. I could least be bothered to clean up my getting messier day by day room. Athough the things are getting less, for some reason its getting messier. I wonder why.

SOOO MANYYY THINGS I have not done. I feel sad for myself. Anyway, 2 weeks moreee YAYY :D But I'm still confused about certain things though. I hope I figure them out soon otherwise I have no idea what I'm gonna be doing with my already meaningless life.

We excuse our sloth under the pretext of difficulty.

2009-07-17T20:57:00.003+08:00

I CAN FINALLY TAKE A BREATHER. OMG.

The past week and before have been terribleeee. I stayed back until like 8.30pm in the centre on Monday. Supervision the next day. CAN'T BELIEVE fellow atachee friend's bag got stuck in the store room, which had to be tortured to finally open it. Anyway, had a nice bonding session with some of the teachers :) Finished up learning corner stuffs, reached home around 9.30pm, and next day reached centre at 7.40am!

I swear I wanted to throw up while waiting for field supervisor to arrive at 9am! OMG. I got thenervous shit feeling, shat twice, felt like puking so bad, had nothing left to do so kept worrying, 'bribed' the children to behave well, helped them for breakfats just to keep myself busy and by 9am, I only had like 4 kids OUT OF 12! PANIC!

But supervisor showed up half hour late, so more kids showed up by then. I was quite nervous during tuning in of the lesson but I became quite comfortable as I went on teaching and before I knew it I WAS DONE :D All the teachers were so worried for us and were so happy when all three of us passed :D

And now, our last assignment is also doneeee! OMG More time for me, more time to nicely plan out lesson 5 and 6, more time to make the perfect play dough and juste more time la! AWESOMEE

I know I'm full of insecurities and disappointments, but I promise you there's a part of me worth keeping :)

2009-07-12T10:50:00.005+08:00

"You think you’re waiting for help. For someone to tell you what the right thing to do is. Even though, at the back of your mind, you already know what that is. So all you’re really waiting for, is a time when you’re forced to do it."

That is me... ALL THE TIME. I know I'm supposed to be doing something, I already kno what it is, not like I'm clueless or anything. But there's just no drive, nothing to push me to do it, nothing to make me WANT to do it, until a soul comes along and forces me to do it, and then I'll really do it. More often than not, the soul would be parents and a few close friends. Or, it would be the approaching deadline in the form of an axe that's looming over my head, ready to drop down on me anytime, and then I would start my engine and get moving.

I used to be like that. But now, I know I'm supposed to do it and I will do it. And most of the time, the things that make me do it is seeing other people already done with it! And then I'd get all panicked and I'll start rushing with it as well. Maybe that's why I get all stressed and worked up.

I don't know why I can never just do it on my own, at my own planned time. Why must it be always following other people? Why must it be acording to what they have planned? Why is it never MY OWN? There is NOTHING that I'm doing which I can call MY OWN. It is sad. Makes me feel all useless. Like I can never do anything without anyone's help and I'm all dependent on other people.

It's also not like I've never tried to do it on my own. I have. But I'm just not too sure of myself to do it on my own. I will need other people's opinion on it at the end of the day. I will need people to tell me if it is right or wrong. I can never figure it out on my own. Even to buy a simple pair of shoes. Even to buy my own lunch. Even to choose what to do with my life. Why is it so difficult to just take charge of things for once? Its like, if I don't get other people's thoughts or opinions on it, it won't make me satisfied enough to carry on with the thing.

They say everyone needs help. Yes, people do need help from others. But mine is more help than usual. At almost every step I need help.

I think this is the most amount of absolute truth about myself that I have written here ever since I started out.

2009-07-11T19:35:00.002+08:00

Yesterday and today was a funny day. Do you know why? Not going to tell you why.

Anyway, 14th July is nearing and its scaring the shit out of me. Althought I still have not shat in like 2-3 days. Hmm. I wonder why. Usually my system is pretty okay.

Im 3/4 done with my learning corners and my lesson plans have been perfected to a stage where they cannot be perfected anymore because I'm just too exhausted too look at it over and over again.

I miss watching my showssss! I wonder when all of them will start thier new seasons again! Not gonna dld anything anytime soon though cuz I'm keeping my laptop safe throughout this crucial month!

Am I really that boring?

2009-07-08T20:29:00.002+08:00

Today I implemented my 2nd lesson for which I was going to be observed by Mentor. I woke up with lots of things going on in my head and I needed to reach the centre early today so that I could finish up the rest of my lesson prep work since the decision to implement 2nd lesson today was a last minute one. So I got up on time and entered the bathroom and I had shampoo on my head and soap covering my body when suddenly out of the corner of my eye I saw this THING wiggling about and coming out from the drain hole on the floor of my bathroom. I was literaly WTF when I saw it was a LONG HUGE AND DISGUSTING CENTIPEDE OMG EEEEWWW.

It wiggled it way into my bathroom from the drain covering's hole and was climbing up the pipe I immediatey washed off the shampoo and soap but I still was not done bathing. Then suddenly the centipede stopped moving so I was contemplating if I should continue bathing. AND THEN the fucking centipede, lifted its upper body, with its lower body still down and started WIGGLING ABOUT LEFT AND RIGHT IN THE AIR OMG THAT DID IT I WRAPPED THE TOWEL AROUND ME AND RAN OUT OF THE TOILET. GROSSS OMG EEW EEW EEW! EEEEWWW!

I screamed something unprintable here to my maid and continued my bath in my grandmother's toilet. OH GOD GROSS. Worst bathroom experience ever AND IT WAS IN MY OWN BATHROOM! Eeeww gross centipede I still can't get the image of the it wiggling in the air out of my head!

I think my whole insects theme is like taking a toll on me. I'm surprised I have not dreamt about insects yet D: And yes I know centipede is not an insect XD

starcrossed

2009-07-06T21:36:00.001+08:00

Beautiful + Sad :(

2009-07-04T22:44:00.003+08:00

I miss going to school. Never EVER thought I'd say this but yes. I miss going to school! I miss walking to that 154 bustop and waiting for 154 and spending an hour in the bus before I reach school. I miss the food :(
Nvm, Monday is tutorial day :D

Attachment is surprisingly quite alright, minus the few annoying creatures and the WORKLOAD. Otherwise I would not mind going there. But obviously I'd prefer school than working life. On top of that we don't get paid D: I might be a little sad when I leave at the start of Aug. Never thought I'd say this either!

Setting aside all that, I am almost done with learning corner activities, first lesson was a semi-disaster, supervision is in less than 2 weeks time, still have not gotten the mealworms, aaaanddd still have not thought of a proper concrete math lesson :(

BIG thank you to all those who have flooded me with ideas for activities! I used pretty much all of the ideas XD and some of my own too :) I am proud of my math corner though. Hee :D

I might enjoy this more if it was not for assignments -.-

2009-06-29T20:06:00.002+08:00

All I want to do is cry and complain and cry somemore and complain somemore. Not because I can't think of lessons, not because I'm behind in preparing for my learning corner. I am on task and on time. BUT BECAUSE I AM SO SO TIRED OMG I AM JUST SO TIRED!! I need my proper sleep! I need my rest! I just want to lie down omg. My back is aching like nobody's business, my hands and fingers are raw and hurting from cutting so many Goddamn pieces of cardboard to build my mobile learning corner, I nearly cut myself with a penknife and nearly glued my fingers shut.

Did I mention my aching back?

Why..whyyy does it have to be soo tiring!

2009-06-27T19:59:00.002+08:00

My previous post was about me wanting to go under hibernation and it seems like right after I said it, more and more people went under hibernation, including some people around me. Its like God bounced off what I said to the people around me so it affected them and not me. But now think its like a blessing in disguise for me because I realize, that if i went under hibernation, I would not have that must time for my attachment and all my other piles and piles of work which does not seem to be getting less. Everyday I wake up with just one vision: Reaching to the End of July.

And I hope this day comes ASAP. Lie, just let me go through all this as smoothly as you can possibly make me go, God, so that I can reach the end of July and I can reach my birthday for which for the first time in my Poly life I would not be spending it studying for an exam, so that I can finally properly work and earn some money, and then I can reach Ramzan and then Eid and then October :) and then I can start my second semester and then I can welcome in 2010, (I feel like 2010 is going to be a really awesome year. I can feel it from now) and then I can graduate and then I have no idea what I'm gonna do but AT LEAST I WOULD HAVE GRADUATED!!

But for now, I want to just reach the end of July. That's all. Help me God. Please.

2009-06-22T22:36:00.002+08:00

Call me stupid/dumb/whatever other adjective you could think of but I really wish to be hit by the virus thats been going around or maybe just run over by some car on the road or even get hospitalized just so I could go under hibernation for a few days and just get away from all of this shit I'm being surrounded by, half of which I have not even started on.

But then come to think of it, I just want to go under hibernation. NOT DIE. Cuz I'm scared of death, because I'm not holy enough yet, because I want to experience love fully, because I want to get married, because I want to have a family, because I want to live happily ever after and die growing old together with the love of my life. I wish my graduation was tmr and I would get married the next day and live happily ever after omg I do not want all this shit!

I don't mind going to the centre for attachment. Some children are enjoyable. But just don't give me supervision and lessons and all that crap. That's all I'm asking for.

whatever

2009-06-15T19:42:00.004+08:00

And I'm back! First week of attachment was manageable, survivable, and probably many more -ables which I'm unable to think of right now and which I probably didn't see myself going through before attachment even started. I guess first week was alright because it was pretty slack, we basically observed, had fun with the children, with whom I think I have sort of an afinity with now. Although sometimes they do get on my nerves sometimes to a point where I have to control myself and like count to 10 sort of thing. OH WELL... I am thankful for the really awesome K2 Class teacher though, she's really a sweetheart! And I did learn lots of stuff in just 4 days, as compared to previous semesters 12 sessions where I doubt I learnt much.

Fish Farm was fun! Instead of helping the children catch fish, I was catching it FOR them! I just couldn't seem to stop once I started! Its like I became a kid all over again -.- Fanyways, it was buckets of fun. Literally buckets of fun. And I'm not even being sarcastic here for once.

I'm really not sure though that this two weeks break would be much of a break. Which is quite sad. I do want a good break also. Like just to forget all about my mountain pile of work for a while and just soak in the bliss of the moment. Okay now I have no idea what I'm talking about. Randomly enough, I just feel so BLAH right now I wish I could go to Marina Barrage and just lie on the grass and sleep or something.

Where it was dark now there is light
Where there was pain now there's joy
Where there was weakness I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy

New Moon

2009-06-08T20:45:00.003+08:00

This may sound a little over exaggerated but..

Can I die before tomorrow comes? Please? I really do not want to go through attachment. I'm scared + nervous as hell. Please God, please help me! Help me to do well and survive this first week of attachment! I really need your help and guidance!

Moving away a little from all the hyperventilation.. I recently saw the trailer of New Moon and OMG okay... Bloody Hell it SUCKS LIKE SHIT!

But now that I think back...

And now I'm to tired and lazy to continue blogging omg I just feel like rolling around.
Kay bye.

But before I go, PLEASE visit this : http://saleyourwaythrough.blogspot.com/

Its a blogshop selling all sorts of things at reasonable pricing. Do drop by and pay us a visit :) It'd be much appreciated!

2009-06-06T18:55:00.005+08:00

Watch this!
I got this off a friend's blog and its the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.
I don't know how many people visit my blog anyway and I don't really care. Just watch this video I swear you won't regret it. And to all those lazy people out there, don't just switch it of after hearing it for a bit, listen to the wholeee thing :)

2009-06-06T18:00:00.003+08:00

But if that is impossible? Even after you cry out all your tears and empty your tear duct, what if even after all that you're unable to smile? What if the tears, instead of lightening your load, may have just made it worse? And you're in such a state where you feel like there is no one in this entire world who understands you. Isn't that the saddest thing in the world? To feel like no one ever gets you and they always feel that nothing you do is ever right? They don't see the tiny bit of good that you do, instead, they always choose to see the big, bad things you've done. Why do things have always have to go against you? Why can't it ever be in your favour just for once?

I think I may have lost you guys after the third sentence. Ignore that bullshit. Its all crap. I don't even know why I wrote it and I have absolutely nofreakinidea why I'm even publishing this post.

helpp meeee

2009-06-04T20:45:00.003+08:00

#482 Someone who also dreams of having a perfect marriage after a perfect wedding.

- 1,001 Things I Want In A Lover

I think something's wrong with my sleeping ways and patterns and whatever else you call it. I lay down in bed and I immediately fall asleep! And the best part is I don't even know why I'm so tired... when I shouldn't be! Because I'm not doing anything 'tiring'. All I've been doing is going to school, sleep on the way there, do assignment, eat, sleep on the bus coming home, reach home, on the laptop, chat chat chat, eat, chat chat chat, go to sleep! -.- I think I'm going to grow into a COW very soon at the rate that I'm going.

Wonderful ain't it? Ruqaiyah your way of life is sooo fruitful and entertaining and so fun you're practically the most funnest person alive! OMG okay. I don't know what's wrong with me. And once I sleep, I dream about the wierdest of things, and once I wake up, I forget what I dreamt about! The only dream I remember is of me having a brain tumour, going blind in one eye and about to die! Real nice. Zahra says its an overdose of Grey's Anatomy. I may agree.. to a certain extent, considering the fact I haven't watched any Grey's episode in aggessss..!

Speaking of dying, nowadays when I cross a road or something, I secretly wish I'd get run over by a car or something NO I AM NOT SUICIDAL I'm just hopeless as usual and wanting to not go for attachment because I'm so fucking scared and I don't know how I'm gonna fare. I repeat.. I AM NOT SUICIDAL... I'm too much of a coward to take my own life anyway. Plus its a sin. I don't want to be known as a sinnnnnerrr!

Okay, nature calls. SEE YA :)

what happened today

2009-06-02T18:25:00.005+08:00

Hello world. I finally went to school today after like 5 whole days of staying and rotting my ass off at home. Apparently there were plans made on going out today after school for some shopping but I didn't know. Nadiah claims I wasn't listening. So anyway, I was "mentally restrained" by them and ended up going off to Orchard after class with just 10 bloody dollars in my wallet. Nice. No shopping for me because half that amount would be used for LUNCH.

But no. It wasn't used on on lunch. Instead, the WHOLE amount was used on buying me new slippers because apparently my gigantically huge ass feet can't seem to walk properly without tripping and breaking one of my most favouritest pair of sandals in the process! It was already so bloody hot, all thanks to Mr. Golden Sun that seems to shine down more than its needed to these days.

I tried walking to Far East, where we'd buy me new slippers. But I couldn't go two steps without looking completely and utterly moronic by dragging my feet along with a broken sandal! So we stopped at a nearest bench and when I sat on it to try to mend the sandal, I thought I was sitting on a goddamn stove! Bless Nadie who used her red sweater to block the sun from my face while Nadiah and I tried to perform some sort of wierded surgery on my sandal. Since none of us geniuses had scotchtape, we used 2 bloody bright GREEN BAND-AIDS to try and stick the thing down. And we used staplers as well to secure it! It was one of the worst moments of my life, holding my sandal in my lap, under the hot sun, while band-aiding and staplering it together.

I could've sworn I looked like some fretarded invalid who was practically limping in the most extremely subtle way she could to Far East. I JUST had to be one of the few ppl born with the most humongously huge feet on the face of the earth that none of the "ON SALE" slippers could fit me! Once again, bless Nadiah who paid the excess money for my slippers AND my lunch. Throughout the shopping trip, I was looking around for things I could buy and I really wanted like those pretty shades I saw and maybe a few tubes to wear inside and like that nice hairband and maybe like one or two tops. And there I was thinking, Oh wow Ruqaiyah you have sooo muuuch money you're practically bathing in dollar bills now right. Although both Nadie and Nadiah did offer to pay for some stuff if I really wanted but Nadie ended up spending most of it on herself in the end XD

Anyway. After that exhausting shopping spree, and looking-around spree for me, we were so exhausted, we flopped down at Mac, and after having the most embarrassing moment with the guy behind the counter which I will not mention here because I would like to maintain what dignity I have left thanks, we slacked there and I napped on Nadie for like 15 mins, she's like a pillow, that girl :D, we got off our asses and walked back to the train station. I'm seriously getting annoyed at the number of people, almost everyfreakinwhere its pissing the shit out of me!

God, that's like the longest sentence everrr.

Fanyways, I have no idea when I'm gonna shop now. But I do really really wanna watch the My Sister's Keeper movie! The book was awesome shit it made me cry my eyes out. I hope the movie doesn't spoil the book. Twilight movie disappointed the shit out of me. It totally ruined the wonderful EdBella story Stephenie Meyer created in the book! But My Sister's Keeper trailer looks promising :)

Bye ya'll.

There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that your forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy.

ON RELIGION - DO NOT READ ON FURTHER IF YOU'RE GONNA TAKE OFFENCE. AND I MEAN NO OFFENCE TO ANY RELIGION OR ANYONE, FOR THAT MATTER. THANK YOU :)

2009-05-31T19:08:00.005+08:00

I was feeling fucking pissed off yesterday for many many, tiny little reasons that accumulated which eventually erupted into some volcanic outburst that is now beginning to build up yet again from the petulant behaviour of people I choose to subject myself to. So it is really my stupid damn fault that I am feeling angsty and upset yet again and so here I am trying to calm myself a little cause if not, I’d just be awake the whole night imagining myself shred people into little shreddy things.

Anyway.

There was this one time me and a friend were having a conversation on the phone about the whole big issue/controversy on the world ending in 2012. Which if you ask me is a little superficial because people have predicted lots of things and most of it never came true.

http://www.circlesoflight.com/reality-creation/world-end.html

So anyway. Back to the point. The point was that my friend said since the word is ending people are becoming more holy, in a sense that they pray and they do good and they pretty much try to fit as much good deeds they can their crap lives just so they can get onto the good side of God so when the world ends they know they'll go to Heaven. Which is all a little overrated if you ask me. The whole trying to be good in God's eyes part, not going to Heaven part. Everyone wants to go to Heaven. I want to go to Heaven.

So my argument was that, why bother trying to be all Holy when all your life you might not have prayed much, or done good much. God isn't about to be fooled. I mean, why bother doing all this when you're doing it because you want to go to Heaven and escape from Hell, not because you really really mean it and are doing it genuinely from the heart? Its all a load of bull, if you ask me.

And about the Heaven or Hell thing. I'm guessing the best explanation would be that God gave you a brain. God gave you heart. If you used those gifts to do terrible things to other people while you were on earth then obviously you would be punished according to your sins and according to your intentions. It is not up to me to tell you that because you did this and you did that and you murdered some guy or you are homosexual and you steal and you lie and you SINNNNNN, you will burn in hell forever and ever for all eternity because it is not up to me to judge what you did because I cannot see the intention behind your actions. Only god knows what you did this and that for and you will be judged according to that.

About the hell thing. I believe that my god (and I'm not saying any other God is bad, but this is just MY belief, so please do not take any offence, I mean no offence :)), is the most compassionate, and most merciful and should anyone be punished as he should rightfully be according to his sins, then I think that punishment would be temporary because I believe that my God is a forgiving one. And obviously if you devoted your life to doing good then you would be rewarded. But ultimately, it all boils down to if you were a good person or not. Praying and being pious and all is all useless if all your life you've lied, and cheated and talked bad things and wronged people and hurt people and made everyone around you so miserable that they can no longer stand you.

Anyway. I most certainly believe that whoever worships a God is on the right path. I mean at least you believe a higher being created all these amazing things you see on earth and outer space. And at least you are God-fearing and I believe that whoever is God-fearing will never ever do anything to hurt anyone because he knows there are consequences for it and that person will always treat you right :)

Someone once told me, "Marry someone who is God-fearing, because then that person will always respect you and your family and most importantly, keep you safe and well and happy." And I couldn't agree more.

2009-05-28T16:37:00.003+08:00

E-learning week is coming to an eeennd. Boo :(
Week 6 is coming to an eeennd. Boo :(
Week 8, Attachment Week, is coming soooonn. Double Boo :(

Haaa I sound like a kid.

I'm starting to watch House again. He's funnyyy :D I'm starting to miss my regular shows like Gossip Girl, Grey's and One Tree Hill and even Heroes. It's gonna be moonntthhs before it starts again. Which is why I'm surviving on House now.

Can I like just not go to school anymore? For like ever and ever and ever. I'm just so fucking annoyed with assignments and work and all these shit. Its been so stressing that now I don't even feel like continuing after the diploma. I mean, I know I should. But its just I can't take it anymore. I know I'm the lazy sort, but if I really want something I'll work for it. So I'm not exactly entirely lazy. There are levels of laziness. I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I know you might probably think that I'm just lazy. Period.

But its not all abt laziness, is it? Lazy means disinclined to work or exertion. I know I pretty much fit to its definition, but I am capable of more. I know I am. And if there's that motivation, I know I will do it. But that's the thing. There is no motivation. There is no drive for me to just go on. I don't see any reason.

OMG I'm babbling nonsense aren't I? I realize the last two paragraphs don't really make much sense. Whatever. I saw my attachment centre. Its kinda nice I guess. Teachers are friendly enough. Children... will be children, wherever you go in Singapore. I just hope 7 Weeks go by really really quick. That is all I want. Please God. Just grant me this wish. Let this attachment be over with ASAP!

OMG I'm itching all over like crazy. Alright I shall go shower and de-itch myself. See ya!

We spend alot of time trying to find a love that will last us all our lives. Something to keep us waking up happy every morning, smiling all day, and warm every night. What we don’t realize, is that some of us have that already without knowing. Love, Friends, and Forever are just three ways to describe the same thing (:

2009-05-24T11:19:00.002+08:00

I found this so true and so meaningful, I couldn't resist not putting it up.

If you love someone, ask them for nothing. Don’t hold them back from their destiny. Don’t keep them from going off in search of their own answers. Don’t ask them for commitment. You will know commitment is real when it is something given willingly, and not as something obligatory. Don’t ask them for promises. If you are patient, if you have faith, you will know in your heart when the right time for promises has come.

And when that time arrives, then you will see that you have both lost nothing by setting each other free, and have instead gained a richer, fuller life, a wealth of experiences, and a stronger certainty of your desires.

But should they not return to you, then life hasn’t cheated you because no promises were broken. Your bitterness will not last long, and you will feel thankful and blessed that at the very least, this beautiful soul has colored your life, that knowing them has already made life infinitely more meaningful.

By setting a person free, you run a risk of them not returning. But always remember that you found them beautiful precisely because they were free. People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth, and their glow, but you can’t hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever. People CHOOSE to stay. But a choice is made more meaningful when it is made despite so many other options. Love has no restrictions and it is through mistakes that sometimes we see the right answer. Because if you love someone, you ask them for nothing and they will come back to you.

The part in bold is so true on so many levels. I love how they described it so beautifully, but you know that its still kinda sad.

2009-05-23T15:00:00.001+08:00

Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is going to come from. The next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it’s right around the corner, and you open up your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it, you just might get the thing you’re wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it, with all of your heart

— One Tree Hill

I'm going to miss this show.. D:

2009-05-21T20:04:00.002+08:00

I am happy :D

Hahah don't be shocked, I know its not an emo-ish post for once so enjoy it! I am a happy girl today. I feel blessed, I feel loved, I feel contented with everything. Though I'm pretty sure this has to do with the fact that the most pressing presentation is over and done with XDD

I shall not think about the nearing, dark future that lies just a few weeks ahead of me. Instead, it shall all be happy thoughts! Happy, nice, non-emo thoughts that cheer me up instead of the opposite. I know its kinda hard for you usual readers to stomach this, but its a once in a blue moon kinda thing so enjoy it and be happy while it lasts :D

2009-05-18T21:39:00.002+08:00

I am taking a much needed break from ASSignments and decided to ponder on something...

In this world, when two people are together, at least one person on the outside will have their opinion about it. Whether good or bad, people will make their observations/assumptions/guesses/rumours about how it’s going to be, what it will be, and what it won’t be

More often than not, we listen to these words, and let them become our own thoughts and actions. When it comes down to it, opinions are made on choices.

But sometimes, love isn’t a choice to make.

And most of the time, it annoys us like hell as to why these people must give thier opinions in the first place. If its good, we welcome it wholeheartedly, but if its bad, the person should just shut the hell up.

And that just goes to show how people in this world are jealous/envious of others where it comes to a point that they might not even want to see the other person happy. Such people should not even exist. Without them, the world would be a much better place. And that's an honest fact.

2009-05-17T21:25:00.001+08:00

Ruqaiyah says (9:20 PM):
*i know... i want to run away. i dun want to go thru this assgnmt. I dun want to go to sch tmr to get the idiotic centre posting results! I want to go awayyy

nadie! unfortunately freckled says (9:21 PM):
*omg tomo
*DDDDD:
*i dun wanna go through jap tomooo
*i dun wanna continue this assg tomooo
*i dun wanna go to school anymoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Ruqaiyah says (9:22 PM):
*eeeeee OMG i'm so bloody tirreeddd. Its not us right? Its the assignment right?

nadie! unfortunately freckled says (9:22 PM):
*it totally is XD

I LOVE MY FRIENDS :D

2009-05-17T19:58:00.002+08:00

I have no idea what in the name of hell I'm doing. I'm obviously going to fail this goddamn assignment because I feel like I'm typing away absolute garbage. Tomorrow is the day that I dieeee because I'm goin to get posted to a certain centre to do free labour for them. I had better not get posted to a centre all the way on the other side of this asshole of an island called Singapore.

HELLPP MEEEE D:

2009-05-13T17:20:00.004+08:00

Three quarter of an assignment down. All that's left is the submission part.

Just another million more assignments to go before Attachment starts in Week 8. Only 4 more weeks! (This is not excitement, by the way) I know I don't have any other choice, I know complaining won't get me anywhere, I know I still have to do it and I know I will eventually get through it.

Then why is it still so difficult?
Why is it still so difficult to even start?
Why is it difficult to just keep going?
Why is it so difficult to continue despite knowing the fact that I will get through it?
Why???

I HATE THIS.

I know all this will end soon. I know it. That's the problem. I know it and yet I'm still not taking it in my stride and doing something about it. What is wrong with me?

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on you faith
-Celine Dion, That's The Way It Is

2009-05-10T09:43:00.002+08:00

I hate this.

I so hate this.

Is it even remotely possible for time to just stop? It's moving by so fast its scary! I want to just stay at home, in my room and wait... wait for something. Something to slap me in the face and let me know that I should stop freakin' procrastinating, stop feeling sorry for myself, stop thinking that I'm less than anyone else and just START. Start taking charge of my own life, start on my fucking assignments, start to feel that there is a reason why I'm going through all this shit and just freakin' start!

I could be starting, instead of just ranting here on this blog. Not like it's going to help much, all this ranting. I want to run away. Somewhere far, far away.

2009-05-07T19:37:00.001+08:00

Life is never fair...

And that's not fair.

:(

2009-05-05T19:37:00.002+08:00

For the first time, a song I never knew I had in my MP3, put me off quite bad. Its called Starts With Goodbye by Carrie Underwood. I'm too lazy to Google the lyrics for you guys so go find it yourself.

Anyway, the song pissed me off! The lyrics of the song pissed me off, to be more specific. I mean the tune and the song overall is nice but the LYRICS! Basically this song is all about leaving someone you love to have a new beginning because supposedly leaving that person is for the best and in order to move on you need to leave the person that you love.

There. Right there. That's the thing that's pissing me off. HOW, can you possibly leave the person that you love? How?? Its seriously beyond me how someone can have the courage in them to leave that ONE PERSON they love the most in the whole world. And knowing that you're making a mistake, you still do it anyway!

"So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break"

She's finding it hard to see herself without him and yet she leaves him knowing perfectly well she's going to break her own heart in the process. I have nothing against the singer or anything, i just don't understand how some people cannot see what I'm seeing. Okay I know I'm being selfish here but this is really what I believe.

"I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet."

So there's something even better that lies ahead and it means you have to leave what you have now in order to get that. It means you have to do the toughest thing in the world of leaving something you love to get to the 'blue horizon'.

You break your own heart,
You cause pain to yourself,
You cause pain to the loved one you leave,
You move on,
You start to find happiness,
You realize you can be happy again,
You sometimes miss what you had,
But you know what you have now is better.
And you accept it and you start to believe again,
You believe you can be happy and just maybe...
This was what you were meant to do/be

Okay.. so maybe I finally understand why some people leave the one they love. But it still doesn't make it any less ridiculous that you leave someone you love so much. For me, I know for a fact that I won't give up so easily and just leave. Because there's always a compromise and there's always a way. There's always a way to make things work and that is what I believe in.

On a random note, this was not really a much better change from blogging about school. Hahah! Oh well... its still better than reading about my rants on school.

2009-05-04T19:03:00.002+08:00

Will it be such a big shocker if I blog about school once more?

Nah... I didn't think so XD
Okay so third week has started, assignment meetings have started, assignment stress has started. Basically everything to do with school and has stress has started. And its only going to get worse. I don't know what the hell I'm doing half the time for my individual assignments. Have I mentioned how much I hate school? Yea this is probably the nth time I'm ranting about it.

I just can't wait to walk across that stage in the ugly black and yellow graduation robe, holding my diploma in my hand with that big fat smile plastered on my face while my picture is being taken. Seriously, I cannot wait for that day. So then all this tension would have ended. And I'll worry then about what I'm going to do after my diploma. No point worrying myself about it from now when I have other million things on my mind right now.

On a more lighter note, despite all the school stuff going on, I still have other things to rely on which gives me happiness, satisfaction and a peace of mind. God, I'm so thankful for the peace of mind because I've never really had the chance of experiencing that before. Kinda sad, I know. I am a sad, sad person at times. Which in itself is really just..sad.

Okay..! I should stop talking now.

school = shit

2009-05-02T01:25:00.002+08:00

Second week of school is like Over! OMG okay..time flew by so fast this week its quite hard to believe we'll be starting the third week of school soon already and then there's the first assignment due in the fourth week and before I know it I'll be going for the attachment (Noooo!) where we student-teachers would be treated like freakin free-labour!

This is something I really do not need to go through. I have to go through it because nearly 3 years ago I made a very very clever choice of doing this course. Anyhow, that doesn't really matter now because its too late to cry over spilled milk when you know there's absolutely nothing you can do to try to put it back in and pretend like it never happened.

Whatever. I'm complaining now and that's not very productive because I'm not improving the situation or making it worse. Which is even worse. I know I've said this before.. I need to get a life! Too bad I'm too boring and lazy to find myself one. Oh well..

On a random note, I'm totally hooked to Here In Your Arms by Hellogoodbye that I keep playing it over and over again like some song crazed lunatic. I miss the holidays now. Like really really miss it! I think this was my best vacation ever, like seriously, I'm not even exaggerating it. Somehow, I know from now on all my vacations will be as good as this one. Which is a GOOD THING, because I will definitely need a good break what with all the shitty school stuff going on in my life.

Yes yes I know my blog these days looks less like a blog and more of some graveyard of borrowed verses and lines. To all the readers and silent readers, I can't help it okay. That's all I have as an explanation. Deal with it. Kay, I guess I'll end here.

2009-04-28T20:15:00.000+08:00

2009-04-25T16:52:00.003+08:00

“ Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place."

Be soft... How is that possible when this world is filled with so many bad people? That if these people realize you're soft, they start stepping all over you and taking advantage of you. Everyone keeps saying this world is a horrible place, so why would you ever want to be known as soft in this horrible place? Why would you ever want to appear as sweet in this awful place?

If you're hard, people would know that you're not gullible, they wouldn't deem you as naive and they wouldn't try to take you for granted. I admit, I have always been the soft one. But it has not gotten me anywhere. I'm still standing where I was a decade ago. That same gullible child. It's not something to be proud of. It's not something that's good.

So why, again, would anyone be soft, when the rest of the world is so hard, you can barely lean on it comfortably for any kind of support.

2009-04-25T12:14:00.001+08:00

E.E. Cummings - I Carry Your Heart With Me

“ I carry your heart with me. (I carry it in my heart.)
I am never without it. (anywhere i go you go, my dear;
& whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling.)
I fear no fate. (for you are my fate, my sweet.)

I want no world. (for beautiful you are my world, my true.) &
It’s you are whatever a moon has always meant &
whatever a sun will always sing is you.
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows. (here is the root of the root

& the bud of the bud & the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide.)
& this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart.
I carry your heart. (I carry it in my heart).

2009-04-24T19:53:00.001+08:00

“ So fail. Be bad at things. Be embarrassed. Be afraid. Be vulnerable.
Go out on a limb or two or twelve. You will fall, and it will hurt.
But the farther you fall, the higher you will rise.
The higher you rise, the clearer your future becomes. Failure is a gift, welcome it.
There are people who spend their whole lives wondering how
they became the people they became, how certain chances pass them by,
why they didn’t take the roads less traveled. Those people aren’t you.
You have front row seats to your own transformation and in
transforming yourself, you might transform the world.
It will be electric, and I promise it will be terrifying.
Embrace that; embrace the new person you’re becoming. This is your moment.
I promise you, it is now, not two minutes from now, not tomorrow,
but really now. Own that, know that deep in your bones,
go to sleep every night knowing that, wake up every morning
remembering that, and keep going."

- Unknown

2009-04-24T10:16:00.001+08:00

“ There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense."

- Jane Austen,
Pride and Prejudice

2009-04-22T17:19:00.004+08:00

I really really NEED to go shopping. I just realized all my clothes are meant for sleeping. Like I’m not even kidding. Half of my shirts are like ancient and the other half are tight fitting shirts which I dont like to wear anymore since my arms are the size of tree trunks now and my protruding belly is misinforming everyone that I’m pregnant.

Anyway, the fact that my clothes are so undesirable, I think I need new shirts, and maybe even a few bottoms because these days I seem to be repeating the same old jeans everywhere I go. I also need shoes. Like, I'm surviving on just two bloody sandals people might think I don't have any other footwear. I don't actually. I also need some long tops and I need this and that and this and I also want at least 200 bucks to fall from the sky so I can shop for all of these.

Whatever. Its like only the first week of school and I'm freakin sick of it already, despite having the best timetable I've had since I started out in NP. I'm not looking forward to the period of time after 2 months has passed... Like don't even get me started on reasons why I'm not looking forward to it. The list is unbelievably long. I'm just looking at now, and I'm looking forward to the weekend and thank the Lord we don't have class on Friday.

I need to sleep early. Every morning I need to lug my fat ass all the way to Clementi at like 7.15am every day its really starting to bug me even though I've been doing it for two years in a row.

I need to get a life. Period.

2009-04-19T16:44:00.002+08:00

"One of my philosophy professors lectured wildly about love once, yelling: "When you're in love with someone, that person is the lighthouse of your universe." (I scrawled it inside Science and Poetry in pencil—lighthouse of your universe—as if I would ever forget that phrase.) He was a delightful caricature of his position. I could swear he literally tore his hair out while howling at us.

He went on, "Nothing means as much without that person."

One of the men in the class repeated, incredulous, half-laughing "so you're saying you can't enjoy, like, a vacation, without someone if you're really in love with them?"

"Of course not." the professor replied. "Not completely. You recognize beauty, but beauty means less if they don't witness it with you. Beauty is less. You see something sublime and your first thought is that they should be there with you. It's not as good without them. They illuminate. They make everything more.""

2009-04-14T10:52:00.002+08:00

Because I have nothing better to do with my time, I took a personality test.. and the results are about 85% true, I would say.

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Trust is a fragile thing. Once earned, it affords us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. Of course the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we're closest to can betray us, and total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned.
-Grey's Anatomy

2009-04-05T17:32:00.003+08:00

I have completely lost my blogging touch.

I sit down in front of my laptop, wanting to blog, but I just cannot come up with anything to blog about. I cannot think about one thing I could possibly blog about, which is why my blog is sitting down here collecting dust and getting covered with cobwebs.

I'd type out one whole paragraph and then it would appear as total crap to me and I'll highlight the whole damn thing and hit the backspace key. This is the truth, which is probably why I'm able to blog about me being unable to blog.

Am I making any sense?

I don't think so.

How many rules can I break
How many lies can I make
How many roads must I turn
To find me a place where the bridge hasn't burned
- What Can I Say,
Brandi Carlile

2009-03-21T20:42:00.002+08:00

I'm back again with another update :D

Now i cannot wait to come back already I wish I could make my flight earlier :(

Despite all the problems my stomach gave me in Bombay and Goa, I still managed to enjoy quite a bit there and especially in Goa :)
Goa was a lot of fun, would have been more fun if i was all fit and fine though...

But I really enjoyed the eating of the many many seafood, and spending one whole day at the beach just relaxing and going into the water and the waves were really good!

Bombay was also quite fun...going for horse rides and stopping midway at The Taj Hotel because I had to pee really badly! All the shopping we did and all the relaxation we did. Food was nice enough...better than Dahod at least.. ;)

And the DOGS IN BOMBAY ARE MUCH FATTER THAN DAHOD DOGS. HAHA! That was one thing i noticed...the dogs in Bombay are also in abundance but they are much much fatter...one dog i saw was sooo fat it looked like it might just explode soon...i think that dog was pregnant...

I really just wanna be back in Singapore now.. where I have my own bed, my own pillow, my nice and CLEAN TOILET, my laptop which I miss badly, my HANDPHONE which i also miss really badly, my harddisk which Zahra n Maryam had better take good care of, and I miss MY HOME! And I can't believe I'm actually saying it but I miss some of the local food! Hahah i was never the one rooting for local food and now I miss it!

See you guys when I get back!

2009-03-05T20:32:00.002+08:00

Yes, I am in India, as most of you already know.

Hahah and as most of you would know I would die without coming online, hence this entry.

I'm in Dahod as I'm typing this and it has not changed much in the last 8 years since I was here except for the fact that there are no more pigs now! HAHA!

There's still there cows, buffalos, goats and there are dogs in abundance that are like really aneroxic looking as compared to our fat Spore dogs! And there are absolutely no cats here!

Its so boring here, goodness. And we're like visiting all of my Dadi's (Grandma) 6 sisters and 2 brothers and even my grandfather's side of the relatives. Sometimes it feels like I'm doing Eid visiting XD

But thankfully this Saturday I'm leaving for Bombay and then Goa. I forsee that I might enjoy that wayyyy more than Dahod. Heheh. The food here is like so-so. I miss my few times a week in take of chicken!! And my blackcurrant with aloe vera juice!

To pass my time I usually just watch TV, read my book, listen to my mp3 or listen to gossip that my dadis's sisters would bring if they come to visit. Hahah.

I can't wait to come back actually.

Kay that's all. See you guys when I get back!

Ten Inch Hero :)

2009-02-26T11:40:00.003+08:00

Ten Inch Hero

One of the best movies I've seen in the longest time!

Piper:Can I make you a sandwich? The roast turkey is really good!
Zo:On no thanks, I don't eat anything that had a mother.
Piper:Oh. Ok. Egg salad, then?
Zo:Well, eggs are really a chicken abortion, aren't they? I mean, I support a woman's right to choose, but I don't believe anyone asked the chickens beforehand.
Priestly:Right on!
Jen:Well, actually, since farmers don't keep roosters, the eggs aren't fertilized, so technically you're just eating a byproduct of the hen's menstrual cycle.
Priestly:Well, that- that's certainly appetizing, a hen-period-salad, that's lovely.

The whole movie on the whole was superb! Not your regular chick flicks but still a chick flick :D I'd recommend everyone watch this movie because its simply amazing! Like I don't even know how to begin to describe how amazing it was! And I can totally relate to the character of Jen inside the movie. I can feel her anxiety, her worry, her thoughts, everything!

Just watch it! :)

How do you feel when there's no sun
And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again
How will you feel when there's no one
Am I just like you
All the things you do
Feeling The Moment - Feeder

2009-02-23T22:38:00.002+08:00

Exams are Over! And I'm only experiencing a slight bit of happiness when I should be rejoicing. There are certain issues which I wouldn't want to bore you guys to death with so I shall just keep it to myself. Feels nice to be free though. No tension. No school. More importantly... No School Work :D

Now I have more time to concentrate better on other things. I had a sudden urge to move. And I feel like maybe I should. Move as in move to another blog. Not anything else. Hahah. But maybe not yet. I have yet to get the strong signal that I should be moving.

And now I'm out of things to blog and yet I'm putting up this short and really redundant post. Oh well...

I'm off to India this Saturday for all you guys who did not know. I'll be back in a month's time :)

Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you have seen them or the amount of time since you've talked. It's the very moment when you're doing something and you wish that they were right there with you.
-Unknown

2009-02-22T22:25:00.003+08:00

I am less than 24 hours away to The Holidays and I can barely contain the excitement. From this its already obvious I'm no longer studying because my brain is so effing tired from all the cramming of information in the last two days.

But yesterday I felt really guilty! Like I deserved to be tied to some kind of a horse and dragged around fields with snakes or something. I was so bloody lazy that I hardly studied and just kept staring at my notes like they held the meaning to life or something.

And something weird has been happening. Lately I feel like my huge, fatass appetite has decreased drastically that now sometimes I get the full-tummy feeling by just looking at the food even if I just shat.

Today morning I was waiting for the bus in the scorching heat in this asshole of an island called Singapore, and I saw this black cat, lying, literally lying down in the middle of the sidewalk like some beached whale and SLEEPING. How could that BLACK cat tolerate the heat and just sleep so soundly while people were walking by it and the damn cat didn't give a care in the world about them. Sigh... at that moment I wished I could be like that cat. Just don't give a damn and do as you please.

Tomorrow is the last exam and like Nadiah says, I Will Not Lose To A Piece of Paper :)

We live the life of an unfinished novel, still waiting to be written. Depending on how long we live, the longer the chapters. Depending on how interesting we are, the more we appeal to others. We're often judged by our covers. Sometimes, some people decide to just quit reading us. We're just forgotten until someone finds us. Our characters can develop throughout the novel, but our chapters can never be edited.
- Unknown

2009-02-20T08:37:00.000+08:00

Words are great influencers. Words are the verbal embodiment of power.
By filling your mind with words of hope, you will become hopeful.
By filling your mind with words of kindness, you will become kind.
By filling your mind with words of courage, you will become courageous.
Words have power.

2009-02-16T19:59:00.002+08:00

I Hate Exams. Seriously.

Its only Monday and I'm ready to pass out and my brain is ready to give up. I keep memorizing and the next day I can't seem to re call anything. Exam Period. God, please spare me from anymore stress/tension this week. I can only take so much.

Time and again I get reminded of how people around me do not appear as they seem. No one ever appears as they seem. I have never understood that. Why can't people just be who they are around everyone? Is it really that difficult? Why do they want to show off the many faces they possess? Do they really want others to think they are such hypocrites? Do they?

You trust people whom you believe will be able to keep any secret. Big, small, medium..whatever. You trust people to keep that secret buried within them. You trust people to not vomit out that secret and break your trust into pieces. You trust people to just keep that secret to themselves and tell no one. No One.

Why is it so difficult to just maintain that trust? Why? Why is it possible for me to keep anyone's secret safe but not anyone else to do the same? Am I being too naive in this world of liars? It is so true what they say.. We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone.

Happy V. Day Ya'll

2009-02-13T14:51:00.006+08:00

My UTMOST favourite romance movie ever is A Walk To Remember. I have watched it like countless times already and I still cry like a baby whenever I watch it. My tears just won't stop whenever I watch this.

Jamie: You don't know the first thing about being someone's friend.
Landon: I don't want to just be your friend.
Jamie: You don't know what you want.
Landon:Neither do you. Maybe you're just too scared that someone might actually want to be with you.
Jamie: And why would that scare me?
Landon: Because then you wouldn't be able to hide behind your books, or your frickin' telescope, or your faith. No, no, you know the real reason why you're scared? It's cause you wanna be with me too.

The next is Pride and Prejudice! This is one of Jane Austen's real classic romance movies I don't how anyone has survived without watching it. The story of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy:

Mr. Darcy: Miss Elizabeth. I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. I came to Rosings with the single object of seeing you... I had to see you. I have fought against my better judgment, my family's expectations, the inferiority of your birth by rank and circumstance. All these things I am willing to put aside and ask you to end my agony.

Elizabeth: I don't understand.
Mr. Darcy: I love you.

Bridget Jones' Diary! How can anyone miss this? To see Bridget fall in love with Mark Darcy and the crap she goes through before that is hilarious, romantic and sad on so many levels!

Mark Darcy: I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.

Bridget: You once said you liked me just as I am and I just wanted to say likewise. I mean there are stupid things your mum buys you, tonight's another... classic. You're haughty, and you always say the wrong thing in every situation and I seriously believe that you should rethink the length of your sideburns. But, you're a nice man and I like you. If you wanted to pop by some time that might be nice... more than nice.
Mark Darcy: Right, crikey.

Done! Totally Done

2009-02-11T20:09:00.005+08:00

I can say GOODBYE FOR GOOD to stupid, fucking, annoying Flash and Dreamweaver! I swear, I have never come to detest something so much as Flash! Dreamweaver was still slightly bearable but I would seriously like to MURDER Flash. I thought I was going to have trouble with Photoshop, SURPRISINGLY I love Photoshop now and I totally hate Flash!

It came to a certain point that I started having nightmares about Flash! That I was doing my assignment and suddenly the Frames and KeyFrames started acting up and Layers started appearing mysteriously and it ruined my work! It felt so real that I woke up with the fear that my assignment was ruined! After much doing up of banners and Flash movies and rejecting our hard done work and using something else instead entirely for our assignment, we Finally managed to finish it within 3 Days! But I must say, our website looks pretty, our individual websites look pretty too and our banner looks pretty as well!

We did it guys! We finally finished what we were dreading and we're DONE with assignments! (Except for one 500 word essay to make up for a lecture we did not choose to skip but was canceled)
Anyhow, I hope studying for exams goes well :) And then I'm finally freee for two months. Its all going by so fast... And we're going to be Year 3s soon! Something which I'm totally not looking forward to, the IEP and the FYP especially. But we got through Year 1 and 2, so we're definitely going to get through Year 3 as well :D

You can't always sit in your corner of the forest and wait for people to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.
-Winnie the Pooh

2009-02-10T23:58:00.002+08:00

R.I.P Yasmin Shamsudin.

Although we were never close and spent only two years of our lives together, you'll never be forgotten. I'll keep praying for you. As much as it was unexpected and unwanted, things happen for a reason and maybe this was yours. I cannot explain the sadness and the tragic of it. I hardly knew you and yet I feel so awful at it all. I don't have a single memory of you, but the fact that I will always remember you counts for the most of it.

I'm just so sorry. So sorry.

I pray that the Lord grants you a better place and that He gives your family the strength to face your absence in their lives.

2009-02-05T22:11:00.002+08:00

Missing is such a lonely feeling. Its like glow-worms inside your body that hurt when you move and hurt even when you stand still.

I have just ONE MORE ASSignment left and then I'M DONE with projects and assignments for semester 2.2.! I'm just once again looking forward to this weekend where I can once again enjoy fully before the whole studying craze starts the following weekends. And I'm thinking of perming my hair after my exams.

After exams... Oh the bliss of it all is just soo good. I will have two months of NO WORK and just relaxation. I so need it. Yes, yes, I know all you readers out there are just wondering why do I keep talking about school. Can't help it, it's the only thing I have to share with you. The things I have gone through this semester, I don't want to go through it again. All those tears, the frustration and the total lack of sleep. I'm so much sleep deprived that I literally put on a sad face when I look at my bed and pillows because it looks so good.

People keep saying, Just hang in there, you'll get through it. Keep on believing that you can do it and you will. Have faith.

All of the above are just nice to hear, but when it boils down to actually doing it, it is much tougher than it seems. I try to believe every now and then, but I just don't have that energy left in me to keep on believing about something I don't have enough faith in. I cannot bring myself to gather up all that effort and psycho my mind into thinking it will happen it will happen it will happen. Please don't think "Oh look at how negative she's being." If that's what you're thinking, it means you don't know me at all.

All of it is nice to hear form people and read in books and hear on television or even come across it over the net. But actually applying it and doing it is a totally other ball game altogether. All I need is just one person believing in me and being there and I know that at least I'm not alone. Its all I need.

One fire burns out another's burning
One pain is lessened by another's anguish
- William Shakespear
Romeo and Juliet

2009-02-03T18:34:00.000+08:00

Its the last week of semester 2.2! This is really quite fast. Not that I'm complaining or anything, because the end of semester means coming to the end of assignments... :)
... And the start of exams D:

Anyway, today was the last lecture for EA and the amount of people who showed up was really quite pathetic. From a lecture group of 80 over students, only 30 over showed up. I won't deny the fact that I had a half mind to attend class as well. But we went anyway in the end. And we got to play with paper pulp, which we thought was going to be a drag but turned out to be quite fun, really :D

That's my hand print amidst the pulp. The process of doing it was a bit disgusting, but fun! And now my hand has been 'branded' CHANEL XD And we totally did NOT cheat at all to come up with such a beautiful result :D There are more photos but I'm too lazy now to upload.

Everything feels lighter now and I can actually feel the carefree-ness of it all (although there is still one assignment left). The weekend that just passed was like one of my best weekends in the longest time and totally well spent doing nothing at all. It almost felt like I was already on holiday... Almost..

It felt like my life was a book and I managed to flip it to the page I always wanted to settle on. And it made me feel so contented for the first time in a really long time that I pray it remains the same and if it does have to change, that it shall change for the better.

Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It's not on the calendar, it's not a birthday, it's not a new year, it's an event - big or small, something that changes us, ideally it gives us hope, a new way of living and looking at the world, letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing that we can have a new beginning, but it's also important to remember amid all the crap there are a few things really worth holding on to.
-Grey's Anatomy

2009-01-30T21:06:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry if you guys think I'm really boring or without a life to have prevailing blog posts about school. But its the only thing happening in my life right now.

So anyway, today we handed in TWO ASSignments. Our storybook, and our Singapore Families Survey and Report assignment. Thank you Maryam for doing that survey for me. Hahah we used one of the comments you gave in our report. And as for our Storybook, since I am so proud of it, I shall put up just the cover page for you guys to see :D

Click for a larger view. Its about a boy with a special needs called ADHD. Google it, if you don't know what it means. And if you want to see the whole book, then ask me personally :) And yes, all of that was done on Photoshop CS2. Many thanks to Khairunnadiah and her awesome Photoshop skills :D And we would have never gotten this far without Siti Nadiah and Celine :)

Just 2 more assignments and one communication assessment due over the next 2 weeks and then its studying for exams :( Its the studying part I'm not looking forward to. Anyway, past 2 weeks have been hell. I have been drained mentally and emotionally thanks to assignments and all the crap in my life. But at least its getting better now, for which I am very thankful for.

I always thought that there was this one perfect person for everybody in the world, you know, and when you found that person the rest of the world kind of magically faded away, and, you know, the two of you would just be inside this kind of protective bubble, but there is no bubble, I mean if there is you have to make it, I just think life is more than a series of moments, you know, we can make choices, and we can choose to protect the people we love, and that's what makes us who we are and those are the real memories
- Forces of Nature

2009-01-28T20:04:00.000+08:00

A very late, but nonetheless a happy CNY to my chinese friends :D

CNY hols has not been very relaxing, despite the fact that I have been sleeping on time and waking up beyond the required time. And yet I wake up, barely being able to open my eyes and sleeping on the bus like some sleep deprived, head swinging from side to side and almost banging it on the window kinda person. Believe me, that is a sight you DO NOT want to see.

Last semester we did up a storybook which I did blog about, and this semester also we have creating a storybook as an assignment. And this time, instead of using lots and lots of construction paper, we did it on Photoshop, which is literally a bloody pain in the neck. You could suffer from a really bad back and neck ache by just spending 3 hours straight on Photoshop! We drew out our scenes, scanned it and then coloured and editted it on Photoshop. My face was exactly just one 15cm ruler away from the laptop screen because of the scrutinizing needed to colour the things properly. I think PS also got fed up of it all because it kept on hanging like nobody's business and a very clever me only saves her work once its completed and never in between D:

2 and a half assignments left! Hahah yes 2 and a half. And then we're finally done with ASSignments! And all that would be left would be studying for two exam papers. Last semester we spent like DAYYS and HOURRS in the RP library studying like shit. That seems like the plan for this semester's exam as well. Sigh...I'm too tired to even continue to blog now.

There is always a winner, for every person that gets is a person who must give.
- My Sister's Keeper

of pains and heart attacks...

2009-01-23T21:04:00.000+08:00

The title of this blog post speaks for itself already. A girl can only take so much in one week. It all started off with the start of this week where I was PMSing so bad that I just had no mood to talk to anyone, do anything or even concentrate on my assignments. But of course, it was not like I had a choice for the third. So anyway, following the PMS came the actual 'thing' which was really, really painful I cannot even begin to explain how painful it was. All I wanted to do was to just bring my knees up to my chest, curl up like a ball and go to sleep. Pfft, like I could afford to even sleep.

Let me now narrate to you the happenings of Thursday night, the night I can probably never forget. So anyway, I was in school from morning all the way till 4plus. I had my 6 page FP Reflective Essay due today and I really just wanted to finish it off in school because I wanted to go masjid that night. So during break, I sat my ass down in the library, and concentrated for like 2-3 hours and managed to finish it off, complete with references. I even skipped lunch and one tutorial to just finish this off. That was how badly I wanted to finish it off ASAP.

So anyway, I finally did it and went for the last class for that day and went back home. Rushed to masjid earlier because I wanted to go get a manicure with Zahra, which I totally love, by the way. And I'm referring to the manicure, not Zahra. HAHA. Once masjid was over and I reached home, first thing I did was to switch on my laptop because my plan was to quickly print out my essay and SLEEP. So I switched on my laptop and when the sign in thing came I put in my password and pressed ENTER. AND THEN the bloody thing refused to sign me in, saying User Profile failed the logon. I was calm first, so I restarted, however, it still did not log me in saying Uer Profile serive failed the log on.

I tell you, I seriously started crying like a baby because the thought of my Essay being in there and me unable to print it, not having a backup of it and now due to this and the fact that I could actually lose it!! I couldn't contain the tears in me and all the frustration because I really put in all the effort and hardwork and sacrificed hunger and sleep to get this Essay finished before time and then THIS SHIT HAPPENS TO ME. And then I called up my uncle for help and he asked me to press F8 and start in Safe Mode and all that crap. None of it worked! I started crying even more. And while crying, I took my sister's laptop and started typing out my entire essay again because I happen to have a lecturer who just might not be so understanding about my situation to give me an extension.

So while crying I'm typing and also trying to solve my laptop's porblem. I followed Nadiah's idea to do a System Restore, which did not work because it said my hard disk, C Drive, had errors on it. So I did the repair they asked me to do and even then it still wouldn't system restore for me. The tears had finally stopped and I realized that there was no use of me crying over it so I just let the computer do the Safe Mode with Command Prompt which my uncle suggested and I carried on typing my essay again. Half an hour later it was sill Safe Moding with Command Prompt and then my dad called and asked me to switch off my laptop, on again, press F8 and do the Start Up Repair/ System Restore again. So I did it and this time the Startup Repar said IT HAD NOTHING TO FIX. By that time I was cursing and swearing already but I did the System Restore again. AND THIS TIME, it said System Restored successfully and asked me to Restart which I did and afterwhich I could finally SIGN IN SUCCESSFULLY and OHMG you cannot believe the relief I felt! Thank the Lord my assignment was still there on my desktop where I saved it.

I would like to thank my dad, uncle, Nadiah and Nadiah, Zahra and etc for trying to help and some even offering to stay up with me while I tried fixing the problem and doing up my essay the second time around. God, I NEVER want to go through that again. I doubt my heart would be able to take anymore shocks like that...

Albert Camus once wrote, “Blessed are the hearts that can bend, for they shall never be broken.” But I wonder, if there's no breaking, then there's no healing. And if there's no healing, then there's no learning. And if there's no learning, then there's no struggle. But struggle is a part of life. So must all hearts be broken?
-One Tree Hill

Do I Know Tasneem ;)

2009-01-20T21:52:00.000+08:00

(2 Points) My name: Tasneem

(4 Points) My last name: Zakir

(4 Points) Who am I in love with: Ibrahim :)

(1 Points) Where did we meet: Some beach or madrasah. hahaha.

(6 Points) Take a stab at my middle name: You dont got one! hahah

(1 Points) Where do I work: Really, I have no idea. haha. I know you used to work at primary schools selling stuff

(3 Point) What am I afraid of: You're afraid of where your life is going. hahah

(2 Points) Do I smoke : Nope

(3 Points) Do I drink: Nope

(3 points) Do you think I'm a virgin: You are!

(1 Point) Do I have any siblings: Yup

(2 Points) How many: 3 including me!

(2 Points) What's one of my favorite things to do: PET SOCIETY! HAHAHA

(1 Point) How many piercings do I have: One hole on each ear

(4 Points) How many tattoos do I have: None

(3 Points) What's my favorite type of music: Nice, semi-fast beat songs.

(4 Points) Am I shy or outgoing: Umm, mix of both

(3 Points) Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: Follow the rules.

(2 Points) Whats my favorite color: PURPLE! HAHA

(3 Points) Name something I hate: You hate liars.

(4 Points) Name a talent I have: You explain your point well and clearly,

(4 Points) What kind of sneakers do I wear: You dont wear sneakers as far as i know..

(4 Points) Do I have any pets: Nope.

(2 Points) Who am I dating/liking right now: You're engaged to Ibrahim!

(5 Points) How long have I been dating/liking them: Youve been engaged for...10 months or so?

(5 points) How tall am I: 161!
(5 Points) What is my worst habit: You worst habit..i dont think you have a worst habit do you?
(5 Points) If I were stranded on a desert island, what would I bring? You'd bring your family along :)

How Well Do I Know Zahra Mustan :)

2009-01-20T21:16:00.000+08:00

(2 Points) My name: Zahra
(4 Points) My last name: Mustan
(4 Points) Who am I in love with: You know that I know its good already. hahaha.
(1 Points) Where did we meet: Probably at someone's house. HAHA.
(6 Points) Take a stab at my middle name: You don't have one.
(1 Points) Where do I work: You used to work at Swensens and then East Shore Hospital and now You're currently finding a job.
(3 Point) What am I afraid of: Being Alone. HAHA.
(2 Points) Do I smoke : Nope.
(3 Points) Do I drink: Nope.
(3 points) Do you think I'm a virgin: I know you are!
(1 Point) Do I have any siblings: Yes.
(2 Points) How many: One twin and one older sister.
(2 Points) What's one of my favorite things to do: Watch TV shows like GG, PP, OTH and movies all which u get from me FOC.
(1 Point) How many piercings do I have: Two on each ear and u used to have nose piercings and one on ur ear cartilege, both of which got infected and closed. hahaha
(4 Points) How many tattoos do I have: None.
(3 Points) What's my favorite type of music: You like all but u listen to emo ones when you're emo.
(4 Points) Am I shy or outgoing: A mix of both.
(3 Points) Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: DEFINITELY a mix of both.
(2 Points) Whats my favorite color: It keeps changing? ahhaha im taking a stab in the dark here.
(3 Points) Name something I hate: Hypocrites.
(4 Points) Name a talent I have: You talk really well when you have a solid answer for things.
(4 Points) What kind of sneakers do I wear: The brown version of the black ones i have from peninsula! hahaha
(4 Points) Do I have any pets: Nope.
(2 Points) Who am I dating/liking right now: done have
(5 Points) How long have I been dating/liking them: dont have la
(5 points) How tall am I: 1 head taller than me. HAHA

(5 Points) What is my worst habit: Biting your damn fingernails!

(5 Points) If I were stranded on a desert island, what would I bring? You would bring ME along because you love me and you're 'married' to me. hahahah

2009-01-20T20:30:00.000+08:00

I decided to try something new to get all of you lazy asses out there to BLOG.
If you think you know me, then prove it. Hehehe

Here's a list of questions which you have to fill in about ME :D
Just copy and paste it into your blogs and answer those questions on me!

Do it, I dare you :)

Once you have finished answering it, hit me a tag and tell me you did it so I can go check and tell you how much you scored :)

And then you can post a blank questionnaire on your own blog so others can do it for you as well on their blogs!

How close are we?

(2 Points) My name:
(4 Points) My last name:
(4 Points) Who am I in love with:
(1 Points) Where did we meet:
(6 Points) Take a stab at my middle name:
(1 Points) Where do I work:
(3 Point) What am I afraid of:
(2 Points) Do I smoke :
(3 Points) Do I drink:
(3 points) Do you think I'm a virgin:
(1 Point) Do I have any siblings:
(2 Points) How many:
(2 Points) What's one of my favorite things to do:
(1 Point) How many piercings do I have:
(4 Points) How many tattoos do I have:
(3 Points) What's my favorite type of music:
(4 Points) Am I shy or outgoing:
(3 Points) Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:
(2 Points) Whats my favorite color:
(3 Points) Name something I hate:
(4 Points) Name a talent I have:
(4 Points) What kind of sneakers do I wear:
(4 Points) Do I have any pets:
(2 Points) Who am I dating/liking right now:
(5 Points) How long have I been dating/liking them:
(5 points) How tall am I:
(5 Points) What is my worst habit:
(5 Points) If I were stranded on a desert island, what would I bring:

80-85 Points; Best Friend.
70-79 Points; Great Friend.
40-69 Points; Friend.
20-39 Points; You should hang out with me more! Ask me when.
00-19 Points; Either you're a crappy friend, or you're new friend

The Wrath of Assignments

2009-01-19T15:03:00.000+08:00

I don't know why you regular readers of my blog are not updating your own blogs when clearly, you guys have ample of time. As compared to the measly amount of time I have, much thanks to ASSignments.

I fucking spent 7 hours of a Saturday in the school's library doing up assignments. And as if that was not enough, we spent 5 hours of a SUNDAY in school. Also doing up assignments. Life cannot get anymore sad than this.

These last 3 weeks of school is going to be HELL with a hell lot of assignments due almost every other day. I have been paying back all of my sleep on the bus. Which is obviously not enough. I miss my bed! I hardly get to spend time sleeping on it anymore. I just hope as the days go by and we have lesser and lesser assignments left, things will get easier a little.

Actualy not really. Because after that its studying for 2 exam papers!Sigh.. I hate assignments. I hate exams. I hate school.

In three words i can sum up everything i've learnt about life - It goes on. -Robert Frost

2009-01-13T17:46:00.000+08:00

I just took this What is Your True Fear? survey..and the results are surprisingly effing accurate. It totally took my by surprise that a survey could just blow me off by slapping the truth in my face...

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Commitment Even though it may not always seem like it, deep down you are afraid of being committed to anything serious. You love the feeling of being carefree and not having anything tying you down. You're afraid that someone or something that may tie you down in life, will keep you from reaching other goals. You may also be afraid of getting hurt. You need to open yourself up more to possibilities and realize that sometimes it's good to be committed to something that you really care about. Just because you're an independent, free-spirited person doesn't mean that being committed to anything is going to change who you are.
Where Your life is Going
Death
Being Alone
Looked down on
Losing Someone
Disappointment

I cannot believe I'm sharing this here, but it scared me to even look at it. I never thought commitment would be something that scares the shit out of me. I admit, just like the survey says, I love being carefree and not committed to anything. I hate that feeling of being tied down to one thing. Be it school or anything else. I seriously hope I can get over this fear.

The other fears next to Commitment is also pretty much accurate. I am very scared of where my life is going and dying. Being alone is another thing that used to scare me a lot but not so much now, although that fear is still there. I keep thinking that sometimes I might just end up a spinster. And I fear very much of losing someone and being looked down at. Like, I'm scared if I lose any of my close friends or if anyone were to look down on me. I'm not sure what disappointment means though.

On a more lighter and happier note, I am FINALLY done with my Math Lesson Plans and Math Learning Corner. I have a feeling I did quite alright on my learning corner. Thank you Tasneem and Mariya for lending me those animal toys. Hahah my lessons and learning corner would not have been a success without it!!

During the last two/three weeks, I spent so much time and very little sleep on completing my math games and lessons. I prayed everyday for Allah to help me and for the first time in my life I realized the power of Prayer. It is so strong and I believe that more than that was my belief that Allah was definitely going to help me.

So no matter what your religion is, if you're reading this post, never let go of prayer. It helps everyone in most toughest of situations and I can vouch for that :)

Btw, if you want to take the quiz, it's here

In some ways we grow up. We have families, we get married, divorced, but for the most part, we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen. No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling, forever wondering, forever young.
- Grey's Anatomy

2009-01-11T09:28:00.000+08:00

Random Fact: I just found out my name means Gentle/Delicate. And I am neither. Sigh...

Yesterday I finished off my lesson 2 and mentor observation as well. HUGE relief, I must say. Best part of it all was that it went well and my mentor said it done well overall :D
Thank the Lord the children were not misbehaving that much otherwise I would literally jump of something tall. I thought the lesson was a little messy here and there but probably not that bad for my mentor to comment me on :)

Now I just cannot wait for Monday to finish off my last lesson and my learning corner! After that at least I will have more time to concentrate on other assignments. This past two/three weeks I have cut, pasted, printed, laminated so many fucking pieces of paper I think the trees are crying and so am I.

A big THANK YOU to all those who included me in their prayers. It was because of you I was able to go through my first 2 lessons and survive through these tough few weeks. Now if you could just continue to do so for like say...the next at least 3-4 weeks, I would be very grateful :D

Thank you Allah for helping me :) I know you heard me

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge, that myth is more potent than history. I believe that dreams are more powerful than acts, that hope always triumphs over experience, that laughter is the only cure for grief and I believe that love is stronger than death.
-Robert Fulghum

2009-01-07T17:31:00.000+08:00

Some people expect things to fall into their laps. Oh they might work a bit for it. I'll just shake that tree, and if I shake it long enough that pretty red apple would plop right into my hand, Never occurs to them that they might have to climb the tree, fall a couple of times, and get some scrapes and bruises before they get that apple. Because if the apple's worth wanting, its worth risking a broken neck.

I admit. I am guilty of not even trying. Not just one or two things. Every single thing. Before even trying I give up. Before even giving it an inch of an attempt I admit defeat. Its a lousy way to live life but its how I have been the past 19 years. It has both pros and cons. If its bad then I am saved but if the outcome is good, then I'm the fool for passing up such an opportunity.

Dreams are always crushing, even when they don't come true. But it's the simplest dreams that are often the most painful because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. Its like you're always close enough to touch, but never quite close enough to hold, and it's enough to break your heart. Its enough to make you want to stop dreaming altogether. But you don't, of course. We're all suckers for the good stuff that we refuse to see that the unrealistic, yet beautiful dream can actually come true.

I'm a hypocrite. I know it.

That girl's read one too many summer romance novels. But she's trying to make up for the story she never had. -Unknown

2009-01-05T22:23:00.000+08:00

I went back to the centre today after one week of not going. And ohmg... the children were like monsters!! I'm not kidding okay. Really. They were playing so wildly and vigorously you'd think they had been deprived of toys until that moment. They kept coming to me to complain about every single small detail and since I was already so tired and could not be bothered, I just nodded and they would walk away still arguing. All I could think about was sleeping and couldn't care less if they wanted to kill each other.

My first lesson went quite okay, but a little embarrassing as well. I'm not going to publicize it here so ask me if you want to know ;) I did up like one quarter of my Math learning corner and so far it has only one activity, which I'm quite proud of actually :D I just hope I'm able to think up of the next two lessons and carry it out successfully. A little prayer from all of you would help A LOT :)

~

If you could read my mind, you'd be in tears.

2009-01-03T12:44:00.000+08:00

I'm not usually a fan of documentaries, but I made an exception for this one. It's on a topic which I can never get tired asking questions on because I really do want to know more to understand it. And it is usually in the month of Muharram that I become more interested in it.

It's on Imam Hussain (AS). And while Googling more about it, I came across this video posted on youtube. It was entitled Karbala - When Skies Wept Blood, a production by redtears. I figured out form there that this was a documentary on Imam Hussein's massacre and those hardships faced by him and his family. The one thing I absolutely love about this video is that it talks about everything and not just Imam Hussain.

We all know that we're not allowed to see like caricatures or any sort of drawings or depictions on these Imam's because we don't know for sure what they look like. In this video, I admit there a few depictions on thier silhouettes but that's it. Regardless of that, the majority of the video basically talks about from when Prophet Muhammad died all the way to on the 10th day of Muharram i.e. Ashura and all he happenings till then.

Its in English and therefore, easier, actually much, much easier to understand than the preachings we hear in the masjid. I'm not saying I don't understand the preachings in the masjid, I do but this is definitely way more clearer. I would encourage everyone to watch this. I cannot deny the fact that I had tears in my eyes listening to the story they were saying.

I understand that there are many versions to the story of Imam Hussain, but I guarantee that this one is 99% as accurate as the ones we have been constantly hearing in masjid. I don't know when this video was released or if any of you knew about this before I found it, but it is a definite must-watch. Period.

For more information, visit their homepage here

2009-01-03T09:38:00.000+08:00

I'm falling wayyy behind on all my work.
And now, this PMS-y feeling isn't helping either.
School's gonna be starting soon and I'll be swamped with work once again.
I would trade this school/assignments tension for any other tension!
It has come to a point where I cannot take it anymore.
Actually, that point came and went by long ago, but I would still trade this school tension for any other stress there is!

Two-Oh-Oh-Nine :)

2008-12-24T13:28:00.000+08:00

A very long, wordy, post ahead...

Almost 3 weeks of holidays have gone by so fast that I an see the big S-c-h-o-o-l and the even bigger A-S-S-i-g-n-m-e-n-t-s looming closer and closer each passing day. Notice how the first three letters of assignments have been capitalized? That's how I see assignments. A complete pain in the ass.

School's starting and the year is ending. End of 2008 and the start of 2009. Something which I am not looking forward to at all, I might add once again. At least I'd like to think that I have done some good, happy and enjoyable things this year and not just gone through all the crappy, shitty and anymore vulgarified adjectives I can think of to describe my life in 2008. One thing's for sure, this year has gone by so fast. I mean I can still remember clearly the New Years party I had attended on Dec 31st, 2007.

2008 and generally started off quite well, with lots of complications and difficulties and tears as the year went on. Sometimes I think it solely depends on us, how we want each year to turn out. 2008 was not one of my best years, but it has taught me a lot of things and made me experience things I never did before.

2008 has given me a couple of new things in my life. A new family, new friends and some new experiences as well, as mentioned above. For which I am grateful for, most of it anyway. To be honest, I hate New Years. I hate anything that is new and that is changed. I hate the beginnings of a new week also because I hate Mondays. But I guess changes happen in our lives for the best. Well, some for the best, and others just to teach us something new, even if they don't benefit us in anyway.

I will not bother to post a list of resolutions for the following reasons:

1. I already hate New Years.
2. I cannot be bothered with resolutions.
3. Which is why I have not even thought of any resolutions.
4. What's the point? I never fulfill them anyway.

Thank you, Allah, for this year. For all the good things that you have brought my way, for all the small, happy moments that you gave me amidst the very big amount of sad and angering moments. I know that You make things happen in my life for a reason. At least, I'd like to give myself some satisfaction by thinking that all these things are happening for a reason. All the things that I wanted but did not get, I'd like to believe it was because You had much, much better things in store for me. And despite drowning in all the hurt, disappointment and tears, I could still see a somewhat dim, flickering but still it was there, a light, which tells me that You're with me and You did help me! I know I don't thank You very often, I take You for granted at times and sometimes I even blame You for when things go wrong, but I do appreciate all that You do for me :) And not forgetting, the awesome close friends and family you gave me. They've been the best bunch of people who have helped me, guided me and were there for me when I needed them. I thank you once again, Allah, for this life, (even though I may complain non-stop about it) where I do consider myself to be most fortunate.

It's not everyday I'm this grateful, so this post could be something different for you everyday readers. I thought it would be good to have a thanking prayer. I don't do thanking a lot so this is something different. I am so very grateful for all the good things in my life because I know I don't have very much of it.

So a very, very Happy New Year, everyone! Try to start off the new year on the right foot, just for good luck's sake, and to ensure you don't have a crappy Two-Oh-Oh-Nine :D

And I've decided to do up a survey/quiz thingy in light of the New Year :)

Name one person you would love to be with right now?
God

Made any regrets in the last week?
Umm, not really.

Have you ever needed stiches, what happened?
Nope, I don't think so.

What you doing tomorrow?
Assignments and Masjid

Are there things people dont know about you?
Definitely. There's probably quite a lot people don't know about me.

One gift you would love from the opposite sex?
I would love some love and honesty :)

What’s your favourite song?
Right now its The Veronicas - I Could Get Used To This

Your favourite shoes?
My all time favourite grey coloured flats.

Your most over used word/symbol?
WTF

Favourite place to be?
Home Sweet Home :)

What’s your favourite tv program?
Grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl

Most missed memory?
All of my happy times. I cannot remember the last time I was really very happy.

Last feeling worried of?
Getting through this semester.

Worst habit?
Falling for words and things pretty easily.

What do you prefer - kisses or hugs?
I'd love both :)

Your favourite hobby?
Reading, listening to music and generally doing nothing a.k.a slacking

Do you have any magazines?
Nope, only books/novels.

What shop do you always have to look in?
Any book shop that I pass by.

Favourite place to eat?
No favourites. Keeps changing.

One thing you like doing with your gf/bf?
Once I have one, I'd like to travel with him :)

Most funniest moment today?
Didn't have one.

Any pets?
Does Pet Society count? Heheh.

How many medals do you own? and what are they for?
I do own some medals but they're somewhere in my house collecting dust and right now I cannot be bothered to go and dig them out.

Job when you’re older?
No idea. Future looks very hazy right now.

What friend are you always stupid with?
Zahra. Hahah actually its more like she's always stupid with me.

Any books your reading?
STOP in the Name of Pants!
by Louise Rennison

It's amazing. Some people, they just say these small little things, one sentence and it changed the way you feel about them in an instant. Small little words that can hurt you so much or make you fall deeply in love forever. It changes everything, nothing between you is ever really the same again, even if they don't know it, it still happens.
- Unknown

2008-12-21T08:18:00.000+08:00

Sunday, December 20, 2008:
You should try to accept all the oddities that you encounter today, because when you mix a little bit of weird into your normal routine, it creates a good combination of unpredictability and stability! There is no such thing as 'normal', and people who have lots of idiosyncrasies are going to be incredibly interesting to you -- at least for today. You'll love striking up conversations with people who look, talk and think differently than you do.

There isn't much to be said about that. As usual, they're always wrong. Why? Because I'm no good accepting oddities, I don't "strike up conversations" and I like normal, even if nothing in my life has ever been normal. Horoscopes are crap. I don't even know where these people manage to predict out things for a whole group of people who fall under that one category, it's ridiculous. And I know, tomorrow I will still find myself looking out for my horoscope for that day. There isn't much to be said about that either.

Quotes on the other hand, never fail to describe what exactly is happening:

"So this is when we finally learn the real meaning of change. You do the things you used to be against, you date the people you thought you never would, and you befriend the people you used to hate. You'll learn what it's like to have your heart broken, to lose a friend that truly meant something to you, and to feel as if everything is really falling apart. There will be times that your life seems so absolutely horrible it feels like it's not real. Despite all this, good things will come too. You'll make the most amazing friends that will be there for you even when they probably shouldn't. Your broken heart will heal once you find the most perfect guy you've ever met, and just as nothing else can go wrong, things will only get better. There will be the days you are so happy, and the days that you feel like dying. In the end you'll realize, everything happens for a reason."

On a more lighter note, I went out shopping with Nadie yesterday and it was fun! No pictures though, but I did manage to find a nice enough top, accessories and a book :D For the first time, I saw so many western tourists in Singapore yesterday. And that made me wonder, what are they doing in Singapore? And that too at this time of the year? Its Christmas time and they decide to spend it in a country which does not even look remotely like is actually going to be the 25th December. Don't get me wrong, being a Singaporean, I don't have anything against Singapore, but I just cannot help but notice how boring it really is. And these westerners come from countries that would really look a lot like its Christmas time.

I don't celebrate Christmas, but I do have a soft spot for Christmas in my heart. I feel like its definitely the best time of the year where you're with family and there's feasting and gifts and it probably cannot get any better than that. And in those western countries, it actually snows! Okay, I don't think I'm making a very substantial point here, but I just feel that when they can be in a country which is far more better at celebrating Christmas, why do they come here is just beyond me.

2008-12-16T21:43:00.000+08:00

Mistakes.

All of us make them at some point in life. Some knowingly and others unknowingly. But mistakes are a part of life. It's how we learn and its how we live. It's how we correct it and it's also how we like to ignore it. Pretend like it never happened, when in actual fact that mistake is the cause of pain, regret and sometimes tears. There is no specific point to this post but just a random thing I started typing because I had no idea what to blog about. But when you think about it, mistakes are what makes us a better person. We learn from it and the next time we do better. And these people are the ones who actually feel sorry for their mistake. However, every coin has two sides. And so there are also the people who simply refuse to acknowledge the existence of their wrong doing and instead try and push the blame on to someone else. Anyone else but themselves.

Sorry, I admit, is the hardest word to utter from ones' mouth. It feels like your tongue is stuck to the roof of your mouth and you can't speak. It takes a lot of courage to open up and say "I'm sorry." And that's why it also hurts the most when you've said it and the other person does not accept it. But that does not happen all the time. Especially not if you're sincere, and you mean it and it also depends on how good and nice the sorry-receiver is. And it feels so good when you've been forgiven.

There always comes a crossroad in our lives when we make grand and sweeping decisions without even realizing we have. Its like entering a coffee shop on a whim and ending up meeting the man you'll marry one day while he's digging for change at the counter and you're standing there to pick up the few cents he drops on the floor. Its also like staring out at the big blue sky and concluding at the point in time what exactly the meaning of life is.

My point is, that we're all unpredictable beings. We're capable of doing anything at anytime and by the end of it we're flabbergasted at the outcome we've created and we wonder how we reached all the way here. Pardon me if its a little long-winded. All things are possible. The only thing it needs is a little belief.

I want what everybody wants; to be important to somebody. Maybe you want that too, but, if you do, to be honest, I can't really see it. All I see is someone who's going through the emotions of being in a relationship because he thinks its the right thing to do. And I know that isn’t enough for me, so goodbye.
- Dawson's Creek

2008-12-14T13:28:00.000+08:00

Beauty isn't seen through the make up, brushes or hair products. Beauty is seen by those who choose not to see imperfections, and by those who you love and those who love you. Everyone is beautiful, but some people choose to hate on others for things they dont like. Forget about those who make your days miserable, and live for those who make your life beautiful.

2008-12-11T18:57:00.000+08:00

1. Do you have secrets?
Who doesn't? ;)

2. Would you fall in love with a boy/girl older than you?
I definitely could.

3. How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love?

I do believe that there's true love for everyone out there but it would be ridiculous to just keep on waiting when you can move on and probably find something/someone even better!

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

Buy all the things I ever wanted but never got and probably save the rest for when I would need it most.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?

Whoever falls in love with their best friend are probably the lucky ones that they managed to find true love in their best friend and a best friend in their true love :) All things are possible if you just know how to deal with it.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Definitely both. It would be totally awesome to be loved by someone but what makes it this awesome that you actually love the person back =D

7.How do you define love?

Love is impossible to define.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
I would move on. No point wasting my time on someone who does not want me.

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?

Sure there is. But the one thing which always makes me happy regardless of any situation is.. ice cream! :D

10. What makes you sad?
When I see things around me that I know i probably can never have or become.

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?

Even I would like to know the answer to that :) I have never thought that far into the future!

12. Who is currently the most important people to you?

My close friends and family.

13. What is being regarded as the most important thing in your life?
To be able to survive through the toughest times without breaking down.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Neither. Hahah.

15. What is your favourite colour?

It changes from day to day. Today its White!

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, and both of them do the same, who would you pick?
Okay, either this sentence is totally grammatically incorrect or it literally means what it says. Which would be rather creepy actually...

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?

I would forgive, not a problem. But I would probably never be able to forget.

18. What do you want to tell the someone you like?
I'll figure something out when the time comes.

19. If there is a choice between lover and friends,which will you choose?
Friends is actually my first instinct answer. But if I truly love that person and that person loves me and my friends trust and believe in me then I would not have to make such a choice at all.

20. Do you believe that there's "True Love"?

There is love but the true part depends on you.

2 people who's going to do this survey:
Alifiya
Nadie ( I don't care how lame this is for you but you're gonna do it!)

2008-12-06T22:14:00.000+08:00

I know I know, I have not updated in quite some time and you cannot really blame me. I have seriously been very busy with school and two-three nights in a row I only had like very few hours worth of sleep. I have come to realize how precious sleep is and how we humans cannot really do without it. So treasure the sleep that you have people, because there's always someone out there, me in particular, who wants to sleep but is so unfortunate that she can't.

Wouldn't it be cool if our bodies were designed in such a way that we did not require sleep at all and all that sleep time could be used to do more productive and constructive stuff like work and assignments. Some of us just have so many that its hard to stuff all of it into the 12 hours that we have during the day.

And in those rare free times that we have, we spend it going out and relaxing. Some people would say that why should you bother going out when you say you have so much work and end up leaving things to the last minute. I am sorry to say that you may not have a life, but some of us actually seem to do. Just because we have so many assignments does not mean that the whole world disappears along with it and we don't give the other things in our life any importance at all.

So next time, if you think that you don't seem to understand the kind of life that I live and can't seem to understand how I live it.. then please just don't. Because I am tired of explaining and I feel all the more useless because I already KNOW that I am not good at what I'm doing now and yet I'm still doing it. And it does not help at all when you say how easy things are for me or how you think I'm not busy AT ALL because only I know how difficult it really is and I also do need to relax at times. Especially since I SUCK. Really, really SUCK at it that not ONE simple, good idea seems to come to me at all. Its either I'm really dumb, or there's just something wrong with me.

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.
- Grey's Anatomy

2008-11-28T20:58:00.000+08:00

Not an eventful week. Rather, a more tiring one, with work piling up so high that I can't even see what's in front of me. It all started with Monday's supervision, to Tuesday and Wednesday's EC presentation meetings, to memorizing lots of lines which I still forgot and to Thursday's final EC Presentation which I thought was okay.

And then to the worst part of the week, staying up from Thursday night to an ungodly hour Friday morning to do up two assignments, getting only an hour's worth of sleep and waking up with tired eyes and an even tired mind and body. I yawned so much till my jaws started aching and my eyes teared. Sleeping in the bus has never felt so good before.

Spending an 8am to 6pm Friday, all tired and exhausted totally trumps the fact that its TGIF. I'm exhausted, really. And I have no idea why my strength to actually be bothered to blog is coming from, but I'll take that as a good sign.

I don't know how to go on anymore. It's like I have climbed this really difficult mountain and now I'm standing on the edge of it and all I can do is move forward. Because if I moved back, I'd fall, and I'd lose all of the effort I'd put in to climb the mountain. So really, I'm not left with any other choice. And if any of you give me anymore crap on "being positive" or "hang in there" I would most cheerfully give you a slap.

It just makes me so mad that I want to cry, I really do but the damn tears just won't come out! How much more do I have to go through for the tears to finally show up?

"I want you to love to the tips of your fingers, and when you find that love, wherever you find it, whoever you choose, don't run away from it. But you don't have to chase after it either. You just be patient, and it'll come to you. Don't be afraid. And remember, to love is to live." - Dawson's Creek

God bless those souls in Mumbai who are suffering from the attacks and give the families of the deceased the strength to face this terrible ordeal. End terrorism for good, God, as it only brings more pain and more sufferings, not just for the people in that country, but to everyone in the world.

2008-11-24T21:47:00.000+08:00

I would just like to thank God, and all those people who helped me through this tough time where I nearly passed out due to a dose of over-nervousness and panic attacks. The surpervision went pretty well, although there were screw ups here and there, which is to be expected. She says I'm soft spoken and responsive with the children XD

Anyway, here are the Rainbow Fishes drawn during closure.. quite pretty...

I cannot explain the ease, with which I could breathe after the supervisor walked out of the centre with a smile! And I'm taking this day to relax because you have no idea how much nervousness and anxiety attacks can drain you physically and mentally. And maybe, I might just be lucky enough to survive until Friday because this week I have three bloody assignments and two of which are due on Friday. It just can't get any better, can it?

BUT, I believe I will be able to get through it.. and because I obviously need to. Its not like I have a choice. Some overdue pictures from after last week's SF presentation... (Yes, Nadiah, I stole 'em from your phone during DPIP today, heheh)

2008 has gone by so fast that I don't even remember what I've done this entire year! Seems like I can only remember the bad phases of this year and can't seem to recall any good ones. 2009 is NOT going to be a good year for me. Totally not. And I'm not looking forward to it at all. But I do hope that its not so hard on me and I am able to get through at least 3/4 of 2009 without having to die young. I still have so much to live for....

Pray, not that things will get easier, but that you will get stronger.
- Unknown

I'm totally looking forward to the Happy Beginning. I can just feel it coming closer :D

2008-11-21T22:05:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Khairunnadiah! :D
Technically its not your b'day yet, but whatever. Heheh.

I know you loveedd the presents we gave you cuz I loved it too XD
Especially the card! Awesome isn't it? Oh and in your thank you speech that you will write on YOUR BLOG soonish..you should thank my printer and its ink and my glossy paper as well for printing those cute pictures of you XD

I know Escape wasn't what we planned it out to be but we still had fun right! I mean, sitting at LJS and folding paper stars was not boring at all! And I mean it genuinely :D
And please :D DO NOT post up those pictures of the ugly, distorted looking stars I made, okay! I know they're a little retarded but I don't need the world looking at it. Hahaha.

But but but, I'm glad we finally managed to spend "quality" time together, just the 3 of us! Not that we don't usually see each other in school every day, but we always say "Oh! We are going to go out during the hols!" and it remains at that! Ironically, we have better outings during the school year, than after it. Hahah!

See, Nadiah, I dedicated one whole blog post to you, the least you could do is tag on my tagboard. Heheh.

Happy Birthday, pandie! I love you!
Oh and I love Siti Nadiah as well! For teaching me very patiently the art of making paper stars :)
(And totally ignoring the part where she put the retarded ones on the top of all the nice ones in the bottle)

Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That's what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.
-Hope Floats

The new, happy beginning is coming :D

PS: Nadiah, always wear that green sweater okay? Heheh its verryy comfy comfy and makes your arm even more comfy comfy to hug :D

2008-11-20T20:30:00.000+08:00

I think I've lost my momentum to blog.

Anyway, it was an e-learning week, and yet I've gone to school everyday since Monday. Damned assignments have left me with no life, no me-time and very little sleep. We all go through the crap in life to get something better at the end of the day and I am going to get something better at the end of all this. I WILL. You don't know what I'll do if I don't.

Coming Monday is The Supervision! Oh God, I know I'm going to feel like total shit the moment I enter the centre at 7.55am. I don't know how I'll be able to wait 2 bloody hours before I start...Prayers and lots of luck, please! I need them badly!

Went to the Botanic Gardens today, again, for another assignment. Thank God it was not as tiring and life-taking as the last time. This has proved to me that we do learn from our past mistakes :)

Nice enough photos after sometime...

Last one's pretty cool, though.

I always feel as though someone has placed their fingers over my eyes and that the only parts of the world I see are through the gaps. Even people I see in gaps, and this is good too. Because sometimes you don't want to see everything. You don't want to think too much. But today, I felt as though a few fingers have been lifted off my eyes and I've seen somethings more clearly. Seen some people more clearly. And this made me think more than usual. And this is not something I want. This is not something I would have wanted to know at all. But the best part of it all, is that, I doubt its true, and yet I'm going on this think-fest and just using up my brain cells on something I would really hope is not true. Thinking and me, do not go together. Usually that's the case. But today, I don't think I've ever thought so much crap in my life. Or rather, I would like very much to think its crap rather than the infected truth. It would be really helpful if I could have such think-attacks, like say, during my assignment meetings, but not now! Not for this!

Okay I'm rambling now. Its an entry after ages so do read. And try to understand whatever scraps you can catch of what I'm throwing about here.

I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all floating around accidental-like on a breeze but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time.
-Forrest Gump

I'm still awaiting the Happy Beginning :D

2008-11-11T22:18:00.000+08:00

Okay, this post has got zero to do with my Assignments. I'm still stressed over it and I'm still not thinking good over it. Anyhow, I'm thinking, that if I mention this here, that it would seem more real and I would believe in it more. This has got nothing to do with school, once again I say, because I do know how to have a life outside of Ngee Ann Polytechnic! Or at least, I intend to. Hehe :)

What I'm trying to say here is that, everyone around me is happy, save for me. I want to be happy too. I DESERVE to be happy as well, in my own way of course. I deserve this happines and I WANT it so bad, you have no idea. I don't think I've ever wanted something so much in my life that I'm willing to be positive about it in my mind ALL THE TIME. I mean obviously I'm not thinking about 24/7. Its just, when the bad part of that thought enters my mind, I turn it around and comfort myself by saying that Its okay, my turn will also come. I will also get my happy beginning.

Yes, you read right. Happy beginning, not happy ending. Because how can it end when it has not even started? Most of you are probably wondering what heck am I going on about. But certain people will understand what I'm trying to say here. And if you don't understand, well then maybe your time to find out is not here yet :) I have set the period of time in my mind and I am SO SURE, so sure that I have never been this sure in my life about anything, that I will get my Happy Beginning. And all you have to do is just bless me with your prayers. Its all I need :D

~

When there's something you really want, fight for it. Don't give up not matter how hopeless it seems. And when you've lost hope, ask yourself if 10 years from now, you're gonna wish you gave it just one more shot. Because the best things in life, they don't come free.
-Dawson's Creek

2008-11-09T20:30:00.000+08:00

Its like, everyday seems to be growing closer to another date of an assignment submission and I feel like I'm doing absolutely zero on my part. I know, the deadlines are like dark clouds, looming over my head, just waiting to pour down on me when its time. And instead of finding an umbrella and getting ready for the storm, I'm waiting for the storm to come so that I can frantically start finding an umbrella. Which just goes to show the high level of stupidity that is inside of me.

I want to do something about all of this and I know its about time too that I get my life in order. But its not like I don't want to. Obviously I do. Who wouldn't want to have all their work done before time so that they can have some time for themselves? But obviously these people do not waste a lot of precious time THINKING over how to do this piece of work and spend hours just staring at the damned laptop screen, head in hands, with tears spilling over and wondering what's wrong with them. Its only the pathetic ones who do that. And the stupid.

And all you readers, don't you dare go thinking "Oh, she's having one of her emo days again." Because if that's the case then I suggest you don't bother coming back because I don't need your judgement. And because not everyone's life is as easy and as merry as yours. I only need your support, if you have any to give.

Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in, and no one can stop it. As you make your way from youth to adulthood to maturity, sometimes you put your arms up and scream; sometimes you just hang onto the bar in front of you. But the ride is the thing. I think the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair is messed up, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.
-Jerry Seinfeld

I'm sorry, was I crude? I didn't mean to sound crude.

2008-11-05T21:32:00.000+08:00

It gives me this unusual satisfaction that I'm blogging regularly...

Anyway, something totally heart attack-ish happened to me today! After lunch, we went to the library, in hope of continuing the movie The Wedding Planner form where we left of yesterday, but the movie watching area was all full. So we decided to go into the music lounge and just listen to music and read. 2 hours later we left and we were halfway back to the LT when Nadiah suddenly asked me this earth shattering beneath my feet type of question, "Ru? Where's your laptop?"

I could have sworn my heart stopped beating for like a milisecond. I was like "Damn!" and I ran all the way back to the library. People around me thought I had gone mad or something because of the crazy was I was running at top speed. While running I kept telling myself, "Please be there! Please be there!" I know sometimes my laptop and I don't exactly have a mutual understanding but it is at times like this, that I wish and pray we do!

I ran straight into the Music Lounge and there it was, sitting exactly where I had left it. Thank the Lord no one took it! Otherwise I could quite possibly die, since my laptop is like my lifeline! The moment i grabbed my laptop, I hugged it the way I have not hugged anyone or anything in my life!

Oh! Im quite happy Barack O. won the elections. I think it was pretty much obvious all this while who would be the winner anyway. McCain didn't stand a chance. Hopefully, now the world would be a much better place to live in :)

~

If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress.
- Barack Obama

2008-11-03T22:25:00.000+08:00

I was sitting on the upper deck of the 154 bus, heading to school at 2.30pm in the afternoon. The bus stopped at a traffic signal and while listening to my music, I looked out the window and could not help but notice this flock of pigeons just outside, eating off the crumbs of food on the floor.

Amongst all those black pigeons, there sat a white pigeon. I was staring at the white pigeon for quite some time until I realized that among all those black pigeons, the white pigeon did not feel out of place at all. It seemed totally comfortable and at ease. Not that I know pigeon psychology of course, its just something I noticed. I also noticed how all those black pigeons did not look at the white pigeon like it was something totally different from them. They did not look at the white one as if it was a different species altogether.

And this got me wondering that how animals treat each other humanely. Yes, I am aware of the irony in that sentence, thank you very much. But it just doesn't make sense. Humans have brains with which we can use to think. Think sensible things. Think good things. Instead, we use this brain to think ill of others. We use it to think all those stuff we probably would not hear ourselves saying it out due to the coward lying inside all of us. We use it to store all those mindless, ridiculous, petty secrets that we want to keep all to ourselves and not involve anyone. This sort of reminds me of the quote, "Keep your own secret, and get out other people's," by a British Statesman.

I'm not saying I'm a perfect person. I admit that I am guilty of some of the things I've mentioned above. But at least whatever's on my mind and whatever's on my lips isn't different.

On a somewhat lighter note, the movie Fashion is SUPERB. I mean, I have not seen such a good and engaging film in ages and it was what I needed to get my mind off school. From the dialogues to the clothes, everything was brilliant! I cried from the beginning to the end and that doesn't surprise me at all :D

Vanessa, if you're reading this, I hope you get well soon! I'll definitely include you in my prayers :)

~

"You're missing out. You know, when it works, love is pretty amazing. It's not overrated. There's a reason for all those songs."
-This Lullaby - Sarah Dessen

2008-11-02T19:24:00.000+08:00

I seriously have no idea what to blog about these days.

If I write a too in depth blog entry, you're gonna be reading all my rants on school and work and life in general and you wouldn't want that, would you?

Its like everyday is a bad day. And there's always something I could do to change it but I don't. Ever seen an empty plastic bag flying in the air on a windy day? Ever seen how it follows where the wind takes it? I am that plastic bag. Drifting off to wherever the 'wind' around me takes me. And wherever I navigate to, I don't really care because its probably for the best and its probably where I am supposed to be. To believe that I'll land in all the goodness of the world if I just close my eyes and be led.

I can never be a leader. And maybe I just don't want to. Its not about the responsibilities that I'll have on my shoulders, its about being responsible. Its about being a leader to those around me when I can't even decide on my own what shoes to get for myself without an opinion. Its about all those people looking at me and waiting to be given an order when I can't even order a meal without asking what everyone around me is ordering.

So you see, its not really about believing all the time. Its also about how much you believe in yourself to live up to the expectations of others. Expectations of family, expectations of friends and expectations you have for yourself. Most of the time we don't like these expectations, but sometimes, we just want to have some form of expectations, just so we know we 're on the right track. And that's when we know we're living the right way.

~

We see everything through a glass, darkly. Sometimes we can peer through the glass and catch a glimpse of what is on the other side. If we were to polish the glass clean, we'd see much more. But then we would no longer see ourselves.
- Unknown

2008-10-28T21:58:00.000+08:00

Would you go out with someone right now if they asked?
To be honest, right this moment, if I could, I would.

What color underwear are you wearing now?
Blue undies.

Is there a meaning behind your profile song?
Don't have one.

What is your favorite fruit?
Guava.

Will the last person you kissed, be the next person you kiss?
That would depend on if I have actually kissed someone before.

Do you give out second chances too easily?
I believe in the double Fs' and not grudges.

Where is the one place you want to visit?
Greece!

Do you like hugs or do you freak when people hug you?
I need a hug right now.

Are you ticklish?
Its a secret!

Someone just handed you $100,000,000 now what?
Take how much I really need and give the rest back.

What color shirt are you wearing now?
White

When was the last time you were truly,completely happy with your life?
When I went to KL last year in December, even during the midst of assignments, I felt completely relieved of all the burden and just completely blissful.

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
Definitely.

If you were a crayon what color would you want to be?
The color of purity.

Who would you like to see right now? Why?

God. To get all the answers that I need.

~

Whoever wrote the book of life forgot to put the answers at the back.
- Unknown

2008-10-24T19:36:00.000+08:00

I was Googling for Family Life/Values in the past for a class assignment when I landed up on this PDF Document written by a Chinese. I'm assuming he's a Singaporean. He speaks about the Core Culture Values and Beliefs of Singapore and even though its a pretty serious topic I could not help but burst into laughter while reading because some things that he says is totally contridictory of what is actually happening in Singapore.

Under Hierarchical Relationships in Singapore, he says,"Singaporeans strong value and adhere to a hierarchical relationship in society, as a result of Confucian teaching. ...differences
in rank are signalled and reinforced by the style of the interaction between the parties
involved. Deference, respect and formality towards superiors are the norm. In addition, juniors are supposed to keep their opinions to themselves unless specifically and directly asked."

The italicized part was one of the few things I read which sounded absolutely ridiculous to me. Even though deference, respect and formality towards superiors maybe the norm and the standard way of life but is it really practiced? And when I read the part on juniors keeping opinions to themselves unless asked directly, I was really quite pissed off. I mean which generation is the writer from that he's saying such things? Everyone has the right to speech, be it juniors or seniors.

LOL and another part was, "Unlike Westerners, elders receive more status, respect and deference than younger people in Singapore. Elders are treated with special consideration, veneration, honour, and courtesy. Well – mannered Singaporeans rise when elders come into a room; they ask elders to eat first and to enjoy the meal, and they do not cross their legs in front of elders."

Hahaha if that's the case then I would say 3/4 of Singaporeans are not well-mannered! I mean we've seen bus drivers talking rudely to the elderly who may have unintentionally forgot to tap their ez-link cards, we have rude waiters/waitresses who don't know their ABCs of manners enough to serve a group of customers properly and we also have that one group of people who know that its their fault but just won't ever say sorry. And he's also talking about not crossing legs in front of elders? We have rebellious teenagers who have definitely done much more worse things than crossing legs in front of elders. Seriously, hahah in which century is this writer living in?

Anyway, for Science we made butter today :D It was definitely fun, tasty and a whole lot easier than what I had expected!

After a very long time... Pictures! :)

"Maybe crying is a means of cleaning yourself out emotionally. Or maybe it’s your communication of last resort, the only way to express yourself when words fail. The same as when you were a baby and had no words."
- Unknown

2008-10-22T17:52:00.000+08:00

I'm wondering if I should even bother to dress up and do my hair all nicely when its gonna get ruined in the end anyway?

For TWO okay TWO DAYS in a row, I left my house all neat and with every hair in place. Yesterday, thanks to the fact that I woke up late after my maid walked in my room for the fifth time and said it was 6.35am. Every time she walks in the room, I sit up on my bed and pretend I'm awake and the moment she walks out I can literally fall back asleep sitting down. Where was I? Yes, it was 6.35am and that did it. Mainly because I take a long time to bathe. So I ended up leaving the house later than usual and I missed the first 154. So I had to wait for like 15 looong minutes before the second one arrived, which turned out to be a double decker non-aircon bus! I chose a nice seat on the upper deck and the moment the bus started to move, there went my hair flying all over! I shut the window beside me but it made no difference. After a while I got tired of brushing the hair away from my face and let it fly all over. THE EXACT SAME thing happened on the way back. Perfect.

And today. I started choosing my clothes and getting ready earlier so I wouldn't be late. And the moment I left my house, it started raining! But I thought, It's okay. I have a whole sheltered way to the bustop so its fine. But the moment I walked out of the lift, what hit me was a whole gush of wind and droplets of rain! Thank God it stopped raining when I reached school but while walking to the LT from the bustop it started raining again and this time even though we were walking under the shelter we still got wet from the rain. So we took the underground way and walked over to the otherside but while climbing up the stairs we got wet again and even more later, on the journey to the LT. JUST PERFECT.

"There will be 2 dates on your tombstone. Everyone will read them, but the only thing that matters is the little dash between them."
- Kevin Welch

2008-10-21T17:42:00.000+08:00

Aaaahhh!! I'm going back to my old ways!

About 6 posts ago, I told myself and to the people of the world that I would change and be a 'confident', 'open' and a more 'positive' person. It lasted well for about 2 weeks but after that it started to fade away and something made me realize today that I'm no longer that new person I thought I had become.

I'm once again slightly negative, I tried being open and confident but its just not working for me! Its like I'm trying too hard and just becoming exhausted by the end of it and accomplishing only one fifth of what I had gone out to achieve. I TRY, okay, I really do. I even tried using The Secret and sometimes when that small thing I want does happen, my mind brushes it off by saying, "Oh, its just a coincidence." I'm really exhausted.

Its not like I'm complaining and not doing anything about it. I am. Maybe I'm just not cut out for being all those things I tried to become. Thank you, to all those who tried lecturing/advising me on how to become all those things. It did work... for a while.

And now I'm too exhausted to go on.

“I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.”
- Javan

2008-10-20T19:35:00.000+08:00

Class started at 4pm today and yet I was out of the house at my usual timing; 7.20am. But I did not mind, like I would have on usual days because today I got to ride the train in the morning with Zahra :D who has been wearing the same pair of jeans for 4 days in a row.
Yes, you can thank me later, Zehra. HAHA.

The reason I was supposed to meet Nadiah and Celine at Jurong East was to go to the Acer company to get our laptops fixed. We thought it would not cost us much/cost us at all since we were under the impression that we had a 3 year warranty when we bought it from school. After taking the queue number we found out from the guy that warranty was only 1 year. Which is now over already. And to get a battery replaced would cost us an insane amount of SGD$180. No, there's nothing wrong with my battery. It was Nadiah and Celine's battery that had problems. Mine was the camera which had a problem. Anwyay, we decided to leave because we would have had to wait 1-2hrs before it was our turn.

And once we got back to school, I switched on my laptop, played around with the camera wondering why it doesn't work and suddenly it started working. It has a mind of its own.

Hahah Nadiah, Nadiah and I had a real good laugh during Lecture all thanks to the lecturer, who obviously had no idea what she said was so funny to only the three of us. But it does have something to do with... "WHAT ABOUT PAPA!?" XDD

I won't bother explaining it here cuz' not all of you might get the humour but if you really wanna know, then call me and I'll tell you. Yes call. Hahah not SMS or MSN cuz its a little too long to type and I'm a lazy girl :)

Ciao!

2008-10-17T16:34:00.000+08:00

Most of you already know I have this fear of getting pregnant and giving birth and generally enjoying the last stage of becoming a complet woman.

You wanna know what's scarier than death? Giving Birth.

Here are some 6 Terrifying Facts on Childbirth which has scarred me for life!

#6 The Placenta

Webster's defines placenta as: "the organ in most mammals, formed in the lining of the uterus by the union of the uterine mucous membrane with the membranes of the fetus, that provides for the nourishment of the fetus and the elimination of its waste products."

Urban Dictionary would describe it (if there was such and entry) as, "The lumpy, blood-soaked terror that comes out after the baby and will visit you in your nightmares for years to come."

Seriously. Go Google the image of the Human Placenta. The upside of witnessing the birth of a placenta is that the image it burns into your soul will make you thankful for the six sex-free weeks you have ahead of you. The downside is that you will forever wonder if your baby had a previously unnoticed twin who could have went on to make you a fortune as the star of untold numbers of b-rated horror films.

#5 Episiotomies

Episiotomy. The word itself comes from the Greek "epison," which means "pubic region," and "-tomy" which, one can only assume, means "to cut the fuck out of."

In an episiotomy, a scalpel is used to create an incision that starts at the bottom of the vagina, and goes downward towards the rectum. As if this wasn't hard enough to watch without crying like the little girl that our high school gym teachers always knew we would turn out to be, the procedure is carried out at the same time the baby's head is forcing its way out.

#4. Faeces

After the birth experience your view of poop will never be the same. First off, the mom-to-be is going to take a big fat dump on the hospital bed. Yes, Hollywood tends to leave that part out.

Apparently, passing an 8-pound canned ham through your hoo-ha compresses the intestine and has a tendency to push any fecal material inside of it out of the body. Also, there will probably be no fewer than 10 people in the room watching it happen. Oddly, mom may not even know it has happened, and those who witnessed it will probably be too polite (or horrified) to say anything.

#3 Alien-Shaped Heads

By "alien," we're not talking about the guys you picked up at The Home Depot to help deliver the baby. We mean the "Sigourney- Weaver-fighting" kind (whose birth scene prepares you for the gore, if not the pooping). As it turns out, babies' heads are soft, and don't become hard until months or years after they're born. This explains why you don't usually see them at college parties, crushing beer cans with their foreheads. Well, this and the fact that they weren't invited since they cry all the time, and puke all over the place before the drinking even begins.

Either way, having a soft skull comes in handy when you're trying to be born without killing your mother in the process. Unfortunately, their heads don't instantly regain their shape once they pop out

#2 Fetal Monitoring

#1 The Bill

Births are really expensive. Even a complication-free birth is likely to cost upwards of $10,000 and if your baby comes out and so much as sneezes in the delivery room, this number is likely to start rolling up like a pinball score. Sure, maybe you're one of those fancy-pants families with this New Age "health insurance." But tack on the cost of the car seats, baby clothes, toys, diapers, bottles, play pens and aforementioned placenta memory-erasing Belgian ale, and you can plan on having spent more than your burger-flipping ass makes in a year before you even leave the hospital.

Now all of you know the REASONS why I am AFRAID of giving birth. Not that I don't want.
Please do not start with the crap of enjoying motherhood after all the pain. I've heard it all before!

Taken from: www.cracked.com
(nothing sick, okay!)

2008-10-16T20:01:00.000+08:00

You get smaller while the world gets big.
The more you know, you know you don't know shit.

~

I was actually going to wait until tomorrow to update, but since I'm free...

I tried to try out something on my previous post and all that I got was:

1 personal comment.
1 complain comment on not getting enough tags on THEIR blog.

1 general knowledge comment which turned out to be wrong.
1 comment correcting the wrong general knowledge comment.
1 comment praising my writing skills and thanking me for lending out a book.

Sigh. I was hoping for more interesting responses but I guess its better than nothing.

~

SCHOOL has started. Even though its only been the first week, not to mention the 4th day of school, I can feel myself becoming more tired and sleepy. I used to get stress attacks usually 2 months before the semester ends but for this new semester, I'm starting to feel the pressure from now. I'm losing my appetite in the process of living this life. I told myself before the semester started that I will change my attitude and I will do better this time around. I know I can still try to do better. And I have :) Just a little bit. This time, I'm going to try real hard to not sporadically get through everything the last minute.

Its really hard for me to believe that people can be so nice. I just look for that black hole hiding in their souls... even if there isn't one. Why do I keep doing that?

"Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. It still doesn't mean anything. What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters. It's the only thing that counts."